Your way of doing things is now how things must be done. Extra points for petty and minor stuff.

  • tiredofsametab@fedia.io
    8·
    2 days ago
    1. Anything more than hushed conversation is banned on public transit (exceptions for children too little to be able to control it, developmentally disabled, etc.). You may answer the phone, quietly, to tell the person you cannot talk right this second and will phone them back from the next station
    2. Everywhere is accessible to the blind, those in wheelchairs, on crutches, etc.
    3. You will grow some of your own food as your space allows. If you have a tiny flat with one window? Grow some herbs or chives or something? Gotta big lawn? Now you have a garden. Those with small children will be left some room for them to play.
    4. Everyone wanting a driving license must drive a giant, slow truck and a small motorbike for several weeks. The tests everywhere in the US get harder and more demanding.
    5. You must use public transport in any case it is possible and practical (i.e I don’t expect you to try to take your haul from Ikea back on a train).
    6. You will generally only eat two meals a day and no more gluten (sorry; I didn’t want to inflict this on you nor did I want the gluten restriction on myself, but this is the only way my body works somewhat properly).
    7. Your mind’s eye and any audible inner monologue are now gone. It’s fine; enjoy the imagination and peace.
    8. You must live somewhere on roughly the other side of the planet from where you grew up (again, sorry to force you)
    9. You must live in at least one foreign country for no less than 3 months outside of a foreigner community and learn the language and culture (not at all sorry about this one).
    10. You must be in pain a lot of the time without docs being able to find anything useful. You must also have anxiety, ADHD, probable ASD, and overthink many things.

    I tried to answer the actual question rather than how I think things should be. I’m sure I’m missing something about my life. I guess you’d all have to work as software engineers who run a small farm most of the year, strictly speaking.

    • BigBrainBrett2517@lemmy.world
      1·
      1 day ago

      I was with you until 7 and 10. No mind’s eye & inner monologue means limiting the imagination to a crawl. It would be peaceful though! Meditation & Imagination would be inverse in this Universe. Poetic.

      • tiredofsametab@fedia.io
        1·
        1 day ago

        I used to do d&d campaign and dungeon design, DM, compose and play music, write fantasy books, and today did system design and engineering.

        I think my imagination is just fine.

    • tiredofsametab@fedia.io
      4·
      2 days ago

      That really kinda shifts a problem. I can generally guess that at 10am whateverTime a business is going to be open or people are going to be awake to time my communications. This adds a step of having to look up … I guess the current daylight hours and/or normal business hours first? Who would maintain such a database?

      • Fenrisulfir@lemmy.ca
        1·
        1 day ago

        No it doesn’t only for the short term after conversion. I’m UTC -7. So instead of waking up at 0700 I wake up at 1400. The only thing that changes is the time on the clock. The sun still rises and sets as it usually does. If a business usually opens at 1000, now they open at 1700. So what? The business’ hours are still consistent day to day

        Not to mention this is how almost everything operates in the backend anyway. The military, logistic companies, aviation all do it but normal people can’t figure it out because they need their alarm clock to have the little am or pm to indicate if it’s morning or night

      • VonReposti@feddit.dk
        4·
        2 days ago

        Same people who’s maintaining it today. We need to look up business hours anyway on top of looking up time zones. E.g. business hours in Denmark is usually 8-16 while in UK it is usually 9-17. Here there’s furthermore differences at the usual company. IMO you’re inconsiderate if you start planning meetings without taking the business hours of the recipients into account (which means all our UK enployess are inconsiderate jerks on this topic, calling me in for meetings until 18:00…)

        So instead of looking up the time zone difference and the cultural business hours of a company in Australia, I can just see that they open after my lunch.

    • Nollij@sopuli.xyzEnglish
      15·
      3 days ago

      This could’ve been a delightful meta joke, and I was disappointed to see that it wasn’t.

  • Shardikprime@lemmy.world
    3·
    2 days ago

    Okay let’s say it

    Everyone has to work at least a day as a front facing customer service.

    ALL public officers elected or not are now chosen by sortition. That’s right baby, we are bringing Athenian democracy back. At least for a while

    People can now express without fear of offending others as now they have self awareness to know that others can also think different as them (the P zombies will appreciate this one)

    FF 20 years

    The whole of humanity is now shareholder of a giant corporation managing the full resources of the Earth-Moon system

    As a shareholder, everyone is taken care off, and basic needs are always available. You have been now guaranteed your needs for life, opening up for you to enjoy your freedom.

    We start developing a solar collector array using Mercury as a resource stockpile

    FF 30 years, we have finished the solar array. The Dyson sphere goes online. We spread during the next 6 hours a salvo of about 200 million self replicating probes through the interstellar space of our Galaxy and beyond it

    These probes have everything needed to jump start the process again in other solar systems

    If we are lucky, we might have our vector states inside those probes so we will have achieved functional immortality

  • TheAlbatross@lemmy.blahaj.zone
    81·
    3 days ago
    1. We eating chips and popcorn with chopsticks now.

    You’re welcome for cleaner fingers and everything you touch with them.

    1. Beer ain’t getting served without some sorta pickle.

    2. Pets will be told about foods, walks, and treats in a foreign language as to prevent them getting excited about things they love during normal conversations

    3. More ducks than chickens. Duck eggs are better, duck meat is better, duck fat is better than schmaltz

    4. It’s now so wildly normal for men to wear crop tops

    You’re fucking welcome

    1. You’re getting paid for your commute time now. Your employer is covering tolls, transit passes etc.
    • tal@lemmy.todayEnglish
      21·
      3 days ago

      Pets will be told about foods, walks, and treats in a foreign language as to prevent them getting excited about things they love during normal conversations

      And this was how TheAlbatross’s Labrador became fluent in Croatian.

    • Grunt4019@lemm.ee
      16·
      3 days ago
      1. You’re getting paid for your commute time now. Your employer is covering tolls, transit passes etc.

      I wonder how fast they would start allowing work from home again.

      • untorquer@lemmy.world
        5·
        3 days ago

        Not that fast really. It’s pretty common in europe if you can ride a train and work en route. I’ve even seen people compensated for driving time & gas.

    • KSP Atlas@sopuli.xyz
      2·
      2 days ago

      The foreign language trick doesn’t work, turns out dogs can pick up words from various languages

      • TheAlbatross@lemmy.blahaj.zone
        1·
        2 days ago

        It’s worked historically for me with cats and dogs specifically around food. I don’t use it for “stay, sit, halt” commands though since I think it’s useful if other people can issue those commands to a dog without knowing, in my house, Yiddish.

    • shyguyblue@lemmy.worldEnglish
      8·
      3 days ago

      1. I love garlic stuffed olives, but have to eat them with chopsticks to slow myself down.

      2. My dogs love Pupperonis (one letter away from pepperoni), but I call them puppereenies so they don’t go ape shit when discussing toppings…

      Edit: Swipe typing is getting worse every day, fixed auto assumptions…

    • thisbenzingring@lemmy.sdf.org
      1·
      2 days ago

      funny about #6

      I have a interesting job, its all about the work and not so much about the time I spend doing the work even though I am technically an hourly employee.

      I leave my house at the same time every day but rarely do I make it to work at the same time. Thats the deal and nobody seems to care if I explain it that way.

      I also leverage native time… I will get to that when I get to it.

    • HEXN3T@lemmy.blahaj.zone
      3·
      3 days ago

      You fool! I eat chips by pushing the bottom of the bag, then grabbing one with my mouth. No utensils required.

  • davidgro@lemmy.world
    52·
    3 days ago

    I’ll go for a serious answer.

    When driving, particularly on freeways and highways, everyone must now leave a lot of space between them and the car ahead proportional to how fast they are going - even in heavy traffic. And they must allow a car that is signalling properly to merge into their lane. (But not like a bunch of cars at a time of course)

    Everyone must also start to decelerate as soon as they see brake lights ahead or notice slowing, but they have more space (starting further back in the road), so won’t have to decelerate as strongly as the car ahead is and will reach a higher minimum speed or be stopped for less time when the car ahead starts accelerating again.

    I believe this would mostly end stop-and-go traffic and smooth out all slow traffic (increasing fuel economy and reducing stress) by reducing/eliminating traffic waves. Probably even increase average speeds (but I’m less sure about that)

    • Szyler@lemmy.world
      2·
      9 hours ago

      I always do this when driving and my ex used to yell at me if I did that in the left lane of a 2 lane road, because “if I’m not in their ass I should be driving on the right lane”, but in heavy traffic and I’m going the same speed as the one in front of me, it doesn’t matter how close I am to the ass in front of me for speed, but matters a lot for safety.

      • davidgro@lemmy.world
        1·
        4 hours ago

        Yeah, people seem to confuse speed and position. Being farther back does not imply slower, and the increase in visibility often means I can make better lane changing decisions, so it ends up actually faster.

    • triptrapper@lemmy.world
      4·
      2 days ago

      Yes, for a long time I’ve said that traffic jams are caused by brake lights, rather than deceleration alone. If you leave enough space ahead of you, you shouldn’t have to touch your brakes very often, and letting off the gas should be enough.

    • gothic_lemons@lemmy.world
      7·
      3 days ago

      100000% this. I legit think we should run ad campaigns to educate drivers. It’s less stressful, easier on your brakes and your gas tank. If enough ppl did it I legit think it would have a decent little impact for the environment. Going from 0 to 30 to 40 mph, then quickly going back down to 0 has got to burn so much gas than just coasting between 10 and 20 the whole time

    • Lumidaub@feddit.org
      2·
      3 days ago

      I don’t have a license so I may not know wtf I’m talking about but I’m pretty sure where I live cars already have to keep a certain distance proportional to their speed. If they don’t and they crash into the car in front of them because the driver had to brake suddenly, the driver in the back is liable. We still get congestion and all that nonsense.

      • Albbi@lemmy.ca
        6·
        3 days ago

        There’s a big difference between what driver have to do, and what they actually do.