Federation works against mod abuse. A mod can only abuse their power on one board. If enough people get sick of it, they’ll leave for a different one and it will be almost frictionless (discounting defederation issues).

Landlords (a rough analogy but bear with me) only have power due to the friction of packing up all your belongings and going elsewhere. Lemmy has about the minimum friction you can have. I have entire instances blocked. I don’t need them. I can find people discussing my interests on a dozen other servers.

In theory, Reddit isn’t much different. Don’t like one subs mods, join a different sub, but Reddit itself kinda puts its finger on the scale there. Plus, fuck Reddit’s API changes. They own communications infrastructure, they don’t own the thought’s and minds of users, but they act like they don’t understand that.

Maybe, but I figure if every single one of them has a degree, the odds have to be in their favor that at least one of them is smarter than me. And if not, well I just proved how dumb I am by thinking that. QED.

That said, you’re right, too many places hold that degree in too high esteem. It wasn’t important for the first twenty to twenty-five years of my career, but now I’m finding it really puts a ceiling on how far I can go. I’m working under tech leads who have fifteen years less experience than I do. Have to see if I can get hired internal from my contract (which takes special waivers for non-degreed folks) and then advance internally.

It was so bad, when my last contract ended, I had two managers invite me to apply for openings with them and my resume was auto-rejected by their hiring system.

I’ve found that every time, the less I speak, the wiser I sound. And I don’t mean that in the “better to stay silent and be thought a fool than to open your mouth and remove all doubt” sense—though that’s true too.

I’ve gotten far more mileage and respect by letting others dominate conversations, then dropping one or two sharp questions or comments that show I’ve been paying close attention and actually understand what’s going on. That says more than any deep dive into minutiae ever could—especially when those tangents usually reveal more about what I don’t know than what I do.

I just started a new job, and the kickoff meeting was today. I put that strategy to use—barely said a word for 45 minutes. I probably looked like a dud hire. But by the end I think I came off as the smartest motherfucker in the room. I doubt I actually was—I’m probably the only person there without a four-year degree—but perception is a hell of a thing.

You are now honorary Gen X.

What power? This is federation. If you get censored on one board, find a version of that board that is happy to have that particular conversation.

I’m fine with semi-arbitrary censorship to keep a community a nice place to visit for everyone. If my opinion gets censored on something, it’s a sign I’m among the wrong people to have that discussion.

I understand the bubble argument, but I don’t come to Lemmy to be “educated” by random assholes that just like to argue. I have lots of sources of alternate views, I’m not being helped by hearing RandomAssholeX’s hot takes.

Life is kinda funny.

There are going to be times when you look back at this decision and are convinced you made the wrong one. But eventually you’re going to find your path through life and realize everything about your life that you love is a consequence of that decision and even if there were bumps along the way you’re glad you picked the path you did.

That’s regardless of which path you choose. So there’s not a bad choice here. What interests you the most? What’s your passion? If it’s not career related, go with the SWE to start living your life in your terms. If your passion drives you on to professional or academic excellence do another option. Or pick on some other basis because it’ll work out one way or the other and almost certainly in ways you don’t intend today.

Good luck!

It’s not a grooming situation unless there is an experiential difference which I mentioned. Do I think it’s a good idea? No, because of the life stages thing, but I don’t think it’s inappropriate presuming they are both of appropriate maturity for their ages.

It’s not bad. Realistically you are likely in different stages of life (her graduating high school and you in college or establishing a career) and that can make things tricky. People shouldn’t be making future decisions for themselves based on an expectation that this will be forever.

I don’t think it’s creepy, assuming you both have similar relationship experience, just make sure you each prioritize yourselves over the relationship.

I wouldn’t have anything to do with such a person. They aren’t worth hanging onto the stress and resentment over. Your uncle and brother both did you wrong my making secret deal’s and deliberately excluding you, knowing what the result would be. They put their own financial interests over the family, so you know exactly how important you are to them.

Inheritance really brings out the absolute worst in people. I’ve seen it over and over again in my own family. Just get everyone in the same room before the person dies so everyone can talk about what the deceased wants to see happen when they pass. It doesn’t fix everything but it helps.

I’m not offended. At all. I understand, this is a trigger point for you. You can’t look past your own experience and that’s unfortunate. You also confuse your experience with authority. In fact, being a self-important authoritarian is about the most American thing you could do right now. (I have no idea what you were trying to say there? That exclusively Americans can use humor on serious subjects?)

I’m going to do us both a favor and ensure we don’t have this conversation again. Have a good day. Congratulations on sobriety. That’s a huge accomplishment and I don’t have to like you to respect that.

The big difference is I am 50 years old and have dealt with this shit my entire life.

Me, too. And I feel like you think I’m not allowed the same authenticity in how I deal with that subject, but I disagree. A very serious lecture is fine but it isn’t the only way to communicate a point.

To me, even joking about self medicating with booze when someone is reaching out for help is exceptionally offensive.

You are certainly allowed to be offended but I rather think you are missing the point.

I can appreciate your point if view but I would really ask you to consider the seriousness of things as opposed to the levity of them when it comes to another human’s well being.

Whoever said jokes aren’t serious? You’re old enough to appreciate Carlin, Pryor. They made careers joking about serious things. I joke about serious things all the time. It lightens the tension and makes serious subjects a little more palatable. It feels less like a lecture and more like friendly advice. Advice that was very clearly and openly stated not to turn to alcohol to the point that I thought it might be rather tedious to belabor such an obvious point.

I’m very sorry that my manner offends you, and that should preclude reasonable conversation on a subject about which we both agree. However, I completely disagree that your emotional reaction must dictate the one true way to talk about this subject. By all means, share your advice and experience, but kindly leave me out of it.

You saw where I said it was a bad idea and not to take it seriously right? It’s just a fact that this WAS the solution for too many people for too many years. And super unhealthy as it was, it’s how people coped until their either died or fell apart.

I get you don’t see the humor in it, and that’s okay. I even called it alcoholism which anyone can recognize is a bad thing, right? I didn’t suggest having a little alcohol to loosen up or to numb those feelings, I went straight to you can always just fucking make things even worse.

But also, in the past people drank heavily as a coping mechanism for all kinds of physical and mental pain. It was a BAD mechanism, but it’s how people hid their pain without dealing with it. It’s why people think their parents were so good at dealing with difficult times. They weren’t, they were just covering it up with alcohol and they got lucky through selection bias.

Is that sufficiently direct? Sorry to ruffle your feathers, mate. My father and son are both in recovery. Dark humor is how I deal sometimes.

No

I love him, but we have three other kids (one of whom is autistic with severe anxiety) and jobs and parents and siblings. And he just wants to talk about how hopeless everything is or how his anxiety attacks are actually heart issues that no one is willing to take seriously to detect the problem, or he literally won’t talk at all and just wants someone on the phone in case he suddenly dies. (He’s had physical workups several times and nothing is found, but the reality is everyone has to go sometime and sometimes it’s a freak thing. That’s just life.)

It’s fucking exhausting and there just isn’t enough to give no matter how hard we try. Even when we are literally killing ourselves or getting reamed by bosses because of the constant calls at work or having to go get our 15 year old out of school at least one a week, it’s not enough.

I’m going to be honest, I’m only fifty and I’m not afraid of death because it will be a fucking relief some day, and everyone can just find a way to fucking deal without us.

Anyway that’s my rant. I’m sorry about your brother. One thing I can see with my own eyes is that sometimes it’s hardest on the person who can keep their shit together and has to because it’s always chaos and there just isn’t room for anyone else to fall apart EVER. So mate, I hope that isn’t you. And if it is I hope you recognize that you need help too and that’s okay. No one gets a free ride in life. We all have shit to deal with, however well we keep it together for others. Good luck!

Removed by mod

Negative. I am a meat popsicle.

They might not be wrong. That’s what happens when zuck pushes random bullshit into your feed. I left FB years ago because there was more random shit pushed into my feed than content from people I actually cared about.

Eh… I’m 51. Been using AI for about 5 years now. Not only don’t I fall for the pictures, but I can also identify when my prompts are poisoning my responses (a great skill for Google, too). My wife has used it. Her boss is at least aware of it. I’m strongly encouraged to use it at work.

I might be a bit of an outlier, but plenty of us olds know all about AI from the pixels and having seen quite a few prompts in our day.

It does, but you grow and learn a little each time. It always hurts and it always feels like this one was perfect in ways the others weren’t. But eventually it happens.