A couple of weeks ago I pulled out without looking, this is the second time this has happened since I have started driving, a car flipped and ever since than all I get is bad news, nothing has been good. My friends are more distant, I considered sucide a couple of days ago and my friends stopped me. I recently found out I am getting sued on top of everything. I just feel like I deserve bad things and my existance will be pain for as long as I keep walking this earth. I work a souless retail job, and my friends are tired of hearing me complain cause it’s easier than their jobs.
It’s pretty clear your friends care deeply about you. And negativity bias is a real thing. Trying out gratitude journaling might help you see the good things in your life. If you want to be closer to your friends, do something about it. Reach out more. Invite them over. Let them know how much you value them.