As someone suffering from PTSD (not yet officially diagnosed), schizophrenia and psychosis (officially diagnosed), sometimes I have trouble controlling my actions. I sent a bunch of hate mail to my past teacher because she bullied me in the past. I believe it was racially motivated since I was Asian, though when she acted she was clever enough to do it with plausible deniability. When I got arrested the police commented on how broad my shoulders were, and put me on two handcuffs instead of one. My efforts in gym-celling have paid off. Doing all those pull ups and stuff has rewarded me with stronger muscles.

Doing drugs (synthetic marijuana), getting arrested, going to a psych ward… I’m living the full American dream.

I suspect that all of the trauma from the bullying made me develop mental illnesses. I used delta-8, a drug, to cope but it made it worse.

I’ve been to a psych ward multiple times now, to the point where it nearly bankrupted my parents. I’ve thought of suicide many times before to atone for my sins, so I’ll be less of a burden.

It’s no wonder that in a toxic environment, I would grow up to become a damaged human. I have to leave America as soon as possible.

The American gamble has failed me. This country is a shitty investment.