When i first heard the news, it felt surreal. But when that passed, i felt nothing.
I don’t really know what to do or feel. I saw her only a few days ago, and that was the first time i have saw her in years. She barely talked, she had alzheimers. She didn’t remember anyone. I remember as a child, seeing her handicapped but still able to have conversation and conscious.
I only have a few memories of her. It’s so vague, since those were when i was 6 or something. The only clear memory is of her yelling at me as a child. Or maybe not her, my memory is unreliable.
Half an hour later, it sunk in. She’s dead. I will never see her again. Just… I don’t know. I’m so confused. I’m a little teary eyed but the rest is just static. What of it? What do i expect to gain from this post? I don’t know. I just wanted to tell someone. I just feel like shit.
Death is big. You only really grasp it in pieces at a time. And honestly, if you spend too long contemplating the meaning of death, you actually start to get physically uncomfortable.
All of life is progressively getting to know death better and better, until you know it on a personal level. Try to fit some fun, good times, and happiness between all that. Maybe some fulfillment, pride, and Ideally love too.
Acknowledge death, fear death, and respect death… but try not to dwell on death, there is a reason every religion has their own fun idea of what death is. It’s pretty much the main point of religion, to make death less scary, and easier to think about. If you prefer that, and can get yourself to believe a religion instead of the truth, I very much encourage it. Just make sure to also follow the one simple rule above all else: “Don’t be a jerk”.