One time when I was in highschool, I was having those flashbacks. Memories of things I said that made me cringe. So I decided in order to stop creating more of those, I would keep quiet as much as possible. I’d only talk when someone talks to me.
The next day a classmate had a fight with his friend and switched places to sit next to me. I kept my rule and only spoke when spoken to. It was awkward silence the whole day. By the end I saw him moving back to sit with his old friend.
“I thought you were with droning_in_my_ears?”
“I tried, but he doesn’t say anything!”
Damn. Could’ve made a new friend. That’s when I decided better cringe than boring and ended my mute phase.
I can remember a bunch of times I said something stupid, and my subconscious mind keeps bringing those up every now and then.
How many times have other people said dumb things? Oh, that happens pretty much every week, but I can remember only a couple of them. There are at least thousands of moments like that, but why can’t I remember most of them?
Also, my subconscious mind doesn’t remind me of events like that. Those memories just don’t randomly resurface when I’m trying to fall asleep or when I’m standing at the bus stop. It’s like my brain has been programmed to forgive everyone else but myself.
Oh, but if we assume everyone else is like me, that would mean pretty much nobody remembers any of the stupid things I’ve said in the pas. Even if someone does remember something, it’s going to be just one screwup instead of hundreds. Also. They aren’t actively thinking about it every week, nor are you likely to bring it up in a conversation.
I think I’m just fine. No need to worry about these things. When an idea like that pops up, I’ll mentally package it and send that box off to a volcano.