I would partner with a historian friend of mine to write it. I’m good with dialog, and he could keep it authentic. Write a rough draft like a normal script, then go back and fine tune all the dialog to surfer bro without changing anything else.
All the Nordic women would speak in Valley Girl.
I lived in Florida for 20+ years. The beach is wildly overrated. Unless you surf or dive (and FL sucks for surfing), there’s literally nothing to do except walk and sit on sand. Though I will say this: if you’re allowed to have a bonfire on the beach at night, it becomes infinitely more fun. But that’s pretty much banned in FL.
So yeah, I will opt for the forest almost every time.
There is no law that says women can’t wear bikinis in the forest.
Kinda subtle, but I notice they like to use the word “truth” instead of “facts”.
Also lots of evil mastermind types in spy movies and whatnot. They also like to eat while being evil, which I have a whole theory about.
Now I just need to secure about a hundred million dollars.
“Duuuuude… King Ælla’s a total boner. We gotta roll up on Northumbria and fully hack these posers to bits, brah. Then maybe, y’know, hit the mead hall and get wasted with some totally rad shield maidens.”
I swear to Odin, I would make this movie and only release a few short trailers with no dialog in them. Just brilliant cinematic shots of action, scenery, all the super authentic costumes and customs, and get some historians to endorse it (I know a few who would love the joke and the chaos). Then BAM, hit the audience with the most ridiculous shit ever.
Evil - Russian or German, depending
Or just vaguely Eastern European. Basically, do your hammiest Bela Lugosi impression, and you’ll have a bright future as Human Trafficker #1 in all the best shaky-cam action schlock Hollywood has to offer.
Try music. My brain seems to click better with words when they are sung. Once I learn the lyrics and what they mean, singing along helps me program them into my brain much better than reading or watching movies/TV.
‘Death in the City of Light’ by David King. It’s a true crime story about a serial killer in Nazi occupied Paris. Dude would trick Jews into thinking he was smuggling them out, then kill them. Truly diabolical.
Even worse in my opinion is when they use a generic British accent as a stand-in for literally any time and place in history. Ancient Rome? British accent. Ancient Greece? Also British accent. Ancient Persia? British accent again! Ancient Egypt? You guessed it! British accent! Even when the actors aren’t even British, the accent is. It makes no sense. It’s lazy and arrogant.
If I had a billion dollars, I’d make the most painstakingly realistic movie about Samurai in feudal Japan, and have all Japanese actors using a SoCal Chicano accent. Or maybe a hyper realistic Viking epic with a full Nordic cast, but they all talk like surfer bros.
The audience needs to be forced to see how insulting that shit is.
I don’t know, but it just doesn’t roll off the tongue the way “cold turkey” does.
“Quitting cold turkey” - I never actually thought about this one, but apparently it’s directly related to addiction (which seems kind of obvious now that I do think about it). When you quit an addiction abruptly, you sometimes get that cold goosebump skin like a cold turkey.
The Wikipedia entry on that one is a fun read. I’ve heard most of these possible origins before, but nobody is actually sure of the true origin of the phrase. It’s kind of frustrating, but also pretty neat that we still use a phrase long after we forgot where it came from.
“Bless your heart” is such a sneaky Southern saying.
Interesting. I always thought it was because the rain was so heavy it drove all the strays to seek shelter, so people noticed a lot more cats and dogs in front of their homes. I think a grade school teacher told me that when I was a kid. I like the dead animal version better.
Moving abroad (I’m American). It was something I’d been planning for a few years anyway, and I’m super glad I got the ball rolling when I did. I’ve lived abroad before and loved it, and plan to make it permanent this time, which is a little intimidating, but also exciting.
Florida beaches have mosquitos too. And sand fleas. It doesn’t seem to stop women from wearing bikinis.