There’s something pleasurable about exhaling mist out of your mouth.
plus potential undiagnosed adhd self med maybe? I always could solve any problem if I only had a smoke to think. It’s like some kind of unlocking full potential
It’s been 10 years since my last and I still miss that full potential feeling. I feel like I live with a constant fog on my mind without it
It’s very hard to part ways with the clarity that nicotine gives me. As if teleported to some dimension where everything is easy suddenly and very clear. Time slows down
Fuck maybe it’s worth going back just for that clarity. I never really recovered since quitting
I thought I could overcome it with sheer force of will and my brain will somehow get used to it and work fine without nicotine but that never happened
I miss that kind of focus
Yeah I know I know. I even can’t do it like medically I am not supposed to more than usual person.
I need some kind of substance that works like nicotine, is easy to obtain and has less or no health risks
Probably gotta go to psych at last but I procrastinate on that since years
I was thinking recently let’s go and enroll in a course to become air traffic controller but I need nicotine for that. To pass tests and to work
Thing is I can’t even take the nicotine pills technically because I am in thrombosis risk group.
If I was usual medically person I would just take nicotine pills and deem the eventual risks completely worth having actual ability to focus and work. Without nicotine my career life is depressing if it even exists
I underestimated how this vile habit helped me pass to the top university but to be honest when I was studying I smoked like a lot, more than I ate and started to feel so fucking terrible that I switched education to something easier that I already knew how to do