I am legally obligated not to have an opinion

you know what fuckit i just grabbed some weapons grade copium from the dispensary and I’ll see y’all in four yeeaar’s . [89][ me is taking over.

clerics when they see a woman:

What about a pointed stick?

Hey same here

Eat a big fried chicken dinner

Me too frend, me too

Have you tried not eating the toothpaste

Oh they’re never peaceful

“complete my work” that’s what we call shitting in my industry

Nah it’s an incinerator toilet

Torn between Wallace and Lewis. They’re both farters, but one wears headphones. Maybe Wallace will take me to steak at lunch.

Yes sir, right away

Stop that! I love my family and my wife! All I’ll be using this bed for is sleeping, eating, and maybe building a little fort!

He wrote be clutching the quill betwixt his buttcheeks

Look at this fat cat eating rice and beans. I’ve been splitting this week’s lentil with my wife (fortunately I’ve been hydrated enough this week to cry and season it with my tears) and she wants the chewy half this week, miss toothy Mae over there

My fleet of lng tankers will blot out the sun

It’s okay we’ll pay for the rest in apple cards

You know I just realized I’ve never parallel parked on the left side of the road. I feel so privileged.