Even without attribution or ever reading this quote before, I just knew it had to be Sir Terry Pratchett and I was right.

That man was unmatchable in his wit and wisdom and how he packaged life lessons on simply being good people into entertaining stories. The world is lesser without him.

My cat and my cell phone

Congrats!

I’m sorry you’re dealing with so many stressful things at once.

I just recently learned about some causes of vertigo along with a super quick thing to try to relieve it, and I thought I would share it under the chance it might provide some relief to at least one of the awful things. It came from a newsletter by a chiropractor I saw who many years ago. I know some chiropractors are quacks, but this one was incredible at recognizing patterns and was able to provide me extreme pain relief mostly just from simple stretches he taught me, so I have high respect for what he shares.

What are the causes I find that trigger vertigo?

1. Tight suboccipital muscles at the base of the skull.
2. Blocked sinus cavities not draining, backing up mucous and fluid into the middle ear cavity.
3. Fluid imbalances in the inner ear due to NSAIDS and antihistamines being used in excess.
4. Tight jaw muscles causing abnormal tracking of the jaw when opening and closing the mouth.
5. Very rotated fixated first cervical vertebrate pinching off the eustachian tube of the middle ear that is responsible for allowing drainage to occur to the back of the throat.

Then he provides this 1m video with a tapping technique that tracks 20 seconds.

Doesn’t speak to the sleeplessness and I’m not a medical professional. I’m just a concerned stranger who recently gained knowledge that could maybe be helpful to you?

I mean there’s all this *gestures vaguely*, but if I zoom into just my personal life, it’s been pretty good?

I adopted an amazing kitty on Jan 4. I’m still grieving the loss of my soul cat last year but the new girl has been a great gift in my life.

My job is very seasonal and 2025 was the most calm season of all 8 seasons I’ve done it. I work on software creation and support season, so most calm = the best season ever.

Then I went on medical leave to yeet my uterus and confirmed that I had adenomyosis, so pretty psyched to see how much this reduces my pain after I finish recovering.

So even with the shit show going on in the world, life goes on at the micro level and so far 2025 is shaking out better than ‘24.

Weird as in unusual? Sure

Weird in a bad way? Definitely not

It makes sense to feel uncomfortable about this because it’s probably something you haven’t seen other people do. But it’s awesome and would bring many people joy to see someone doing it. Go for it!

Awwww, my childhood family cat, Boots, did this.

Oh man, that makes me think back to college when I got an eyebrow piercing. I did it because I liked the looks but also as a social experiment, wondering how people’s reactions to me might change.

I expected the worst, but I found that it actually seemed to make most people approach me easier.

I think the lesson is that doing things that are highly visible draw attention. Some will be good, some might be bad, but it’s a conversation starter either way!

Adding onto this, there are way more jobs than you likely even realize or will learn about. Figuring out what you enjoy and are good at might help you figure that out, but sometimes you just need to get out there and start trying things. You may still not know just from college.

I had never heard of one of the jobs I ended up getting (Business Analyst) and it introduced me to the career I’m in now: Product Management.

Product Management requires me to communicate with folks of wildly different backgrounds (end users, software developers, designers, business execs, etc.) and I need to both understand their needs plus help them understand the same things as each other. To do so, I need to understand people and context and basically translate information through a those lenses. I also look at data and a wide array of opportunities then evaluate their priority. It’s a job that uses my natural talents and it’s genuinely fun for me.

But I had no idea the role even existed until I was two years out of college and into the workforce, and still had little clue what the role actually did for two years after that.

Anecdotal observation I received from a doctor’s office indicates there may be some change in the insurance industry…

Last month I saw a surgeon who does not take insurance, but her office helps people get all the pre-authorizations done to file an out-of-network claim. They told me that of the codes they bill, there’s one that used to have a 50/50 chance of getting approved. But after 12/6/24 they see it come back approved every time.

Without more data to back this up I recognize it’s not enough to say anything for sure, but this does point to insurance companies more broadly approving claims.

Yeah… definitely could be the slippery slope we both see. Especially since comics and gym/workout/nutrition type videos likely target a more male demographic.

I mentioned my partner got those, then he actually subscribed to The Dadvocate. Now that I’m thinking about it I think he’s mentioned occasionally seeing Jordan Peterson pop up in his Shorts feed when he watches a ton in a row. He gives them a thumbs down and says not to show him that content, so maybe he’s the one keeping the worse content at bay.

The worst thing though is that when those do pop up in his feed, they are some of Peterson’s few normal or even good takes (which we hate to admit that anything Jordan Peterson has to say might be good. But even a broken clock…). My partner still shuts that shit down because he knows there isn’t a good ending to that path.

Yeah, they started showing up for my (male) partner a while back. I got really nervous that they were going to be the start of a slippery slope into some serious misogynistic content, and I’ve been monitoring that for probably a year now. Thankfully that doesn’t seem to have been the case so far!

There are many women out there who have gone so far as to be on the misandry side of things, and at least the two content creators we’ve named are calling that out. It’s valid and many of their points are solid. But it still seems like the algorithm would use them as a first step towards misogynistic content so it’s had me a little on edge.

Ah her. She has a bad habit of doing react videos that are just her posting other people’s content while she just makes faces and nods at it and doesn’t add any meaningful commentary. I personally think that’s a shitty kind of content creator as they’re ultimately making money off of someone else’s work. And she occasionally has had a pretty bad take. I think The Dadvocate is much better in this particular genre of content personally.

there is ZERO way to indicate to others that information.

Ah, you’re getting to a challenge that women have faced forever: “If I reject this man, will he decide to attack or kill me?” (Sources: 1, 2, 3, 4,5, 6)

Or just in general the concept that’s been named “Schrodingers Rapist.”

It would be a whole lot safer for many people if there was an automatic way to see into someone’s soul to know what they are like and what they are capable of. Are they a rapist? Do they have the potential to be? Will they reject me violently? Will they publicly humiliate me?

None of us can know those things. The best we can do is to try to establish strong social skills and pattern recognition, and work to avoid the situations that put us in danger (whether physical, social, or emotional). It’s hard and there’s no silver bullet.

While you want to put the onus on women to minimize the risk of a man being publicly humiliated, you’re ignoring the realities that women are dealing with the exact same kind of uncertainties (except statistically speaking, with much worse outcomes). There isn’t an easy answer here and it’s not one that falls on just one gender to resolve.

The Dadvocate? Sounds like the YouTuber you’re describing.

I don’t think laughing at someone is an acceptable response to any person being respectful to another person, and your assumption that I am saying that from my comment shows more about you than me.

Anyone who would laugh at another person just because of how they look or how much money they appear to have is a flawed, unkind person.

Anyone who approaches another person and doesn’t respect if they set physical or verbal boundaries showing they don’t want to be approached is also flawed and either socially unaware/challenged or themselves unkind. And sometimes an easy way to get one of those people to go away is to laugh at them.

It’s unlikely for a cold approach to anyone asking for a date to be successful. Unlike 80 years ago, people aren’t looking for their first romantic connection to turn into life-long marriage; they actually want to have an established rapport with a person before the first date. So if someone just asks another person out with no lead up, or in certain settings, sometimes that will be so disconnected from social realities as to be absurd.

Anyway, regardless of the social intricacies of appropriate places to approach and/or ask out another, believing that women (or men) are a monolith who all will react the same way in a given situation is out of touch, disrespectful, and points to a lot of deep-seated sexism. I hope you can work that out before you pass it onto your son or he’s likely to have a much harder time finding a relationship.

Wow, I’m sorry for the abuse that’s led you to the level of fear you live in. Of course it’s going to be hard for you to start any kind of connection with someone who might have a potential romantic component if you aren’t able to connect to people who don’t have that potential.

If you’re looking for broader advice, I’d recommend getting into some social groups for hobbies or business-type things. Board gaming, hiking, maker space, Toastmasters, cons; anything that gets you out of the house and meeting people.

Once in those groups, start socializing in general. Get more comfortable meeting people and establishing friendships. Realize that not everyone you meet will respond with violence and there are better people out there.

You won’t frequently get far if you aren’t in social settings where people are trying to meet other people; 95+% of the time any interaction like that is likely to be a one-off. But if you’re confident and friendly, sometimes it’s not. It is NOT predatory to still talk to people outside of those settings, but if you only talk to people you’re physically attracted to then it’s borderline weird and could be a bit predatory.

As you build the skill of talking to anyone and everyone, you’ll also develop better communication skills and more confidence (which, btw, happens to be one of the most attractive traits). And you might just find in the process of doing so that only talking to people you find physically attractive upfront isn’t the best way to meet a potential partner.

I’m genuinely sorry your family hasn’t helped you learn these skills and has actively undermined you in a way that makes it more difficult. Whether it’s a romantic interest, friendships, or your career, working on these skills will help you become a better person.

“Men are afraid that women will laugh at them. Women are afraid that men will kill them.” —Margaret Atwood

I think the guy you’re responding to is well down the path of believing that it’s “unsafe” to be laughed at.

We have a black cat. After a trip we left a black bag on the floor for a bit. She would get on the bag and if you walked by her without acknowledging her, she’d bop you on the foot.

If you acknowledged her, no bop. I could look right at her but if I didn’t say her name, I’d be bopped.

We left that bag on the floor for several more weeks to continue the game 😅

No, you’re not a bad person for this reason, not at all.

Are there challenges or downsides? Yep. Are you prepared to face them? Sounds like it!

My dad was 44 when I was born; my mum 41. So while that’s not quite as old as you are, I still want to share some of my perspective.

The bad: I’m in my 30s and it’s hard watching them age. I find myself frequently connecting with coworkers 10 years my senior as we bond over the realities of caring for aging parents. I also lost all my grandparents mentally by my mid-20s and physically when I was 30. Given my dad’s current health, my nephew (as I won’t have children myself) will never know what my dad was like with all his faculties and may not really remember him much at all depending on how much longer my dad is able to stick around. (P.S., please make good choices about your health. As a parent these choices don’t only affect you.)

The neutral: My partner is 11.5 years older than I am, yet my parents are older than his (barely, but technically true). Did they have less energy to play with me as a kid? Maybe? I can’t say and honestly it never felt like something they lacked.

The good: And yet I also have parents I know wanted me and were mentally prepared to have me. I have always credited their age and maturity when I was born to a lot of my own maturity, including why I so easily get along with people of any age. I have said hundreds of times throughout my life that I’m grateful my parents waited until they were ready to have me, and I stand by it. They have been amazing parents and even if I have fewer years with them given the timing, I will cherish it all because they were much better than average at raising me.

The one concern you didn’t mention is that higher paternal age is associated with an increased risk of a number of negative outcomes, including things such as premature birth, chromosomal abnormalities, and autism. You didn’t name this as a concern but I think it’s worth being aware of, but I don’t think this should change your mind given how much you want a child. If you were on the edge or weren’t certain if you could care for a kid who has a slightly higher than average risk of having special needs, then I think this is worth factoring into your decision.

Hopefully none of this has scared you off because you’re already showing the maturity, consideration, and love needed to be an amazing dad. Good luck, and congratulations!