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Cake day: March 23rd, 2024

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  • “The building or someone is on fire”

    When I was working in property management, certain people would frequently call me in the middle of the night for what they considered emergencies. They’d wake me up because a stove burner wouldn’t heat, or a lightbulb was out, or they just remembered that a door creaks. This shit got old real fast, so I began training the night callers that “emergency means Fire, Flood, or Death”.

    One man was unfazed by my Fire, Flood, or Death mantra, so every time I saw his number ring in, I just shouted into the phone FIRE FLOOD OR DEATH? FIRE FLOOD OR DEATH?!