there is no provider on the planet that can freeze state of RAM in a way that would be useful for this

You are very mistaken, this is a well-supported feature in most modern virtualization environments.

Here are XenServer docs for it. And here is VMWare’s “high-frequency” snapshots page.

Sometimes, law enforcement authorities only need to contact cloud provider A when they have a warrant for (or, perhaps, no warrant but a mere request for) data about some user C who is indirectly using A via some cloud-hosted online service B.

A(mazon) will dutifully deliver to the authorities snapshots of all of B’s VMs, and then it is up to them if they limit themselves to looking for data about C… while the staff of company B can honestly say they have not received any requests from law enforcement. (sorry my best source on this at the moment is sadly trust me bro; I’ve heard from an AWS employee that the above scenario really actually does happen.)

fun fact: Phoenix was the original name of the browser we now know as Firefox

Similar to this: https://github.com/alibahmanyar/breaklist

Relatedly, there was a company was selling a cloud(🤡)-based product called “Little Printer” from 2012 to 2014; after their backend predictably shut down, some fans of it recreated it as https://tinyprinter.club/ and later https://nordprojects.co/projects/littleprinters/

somehow input my handwritten notes

I’ve heard the reMarkable e-ink tablet’s cloud service has good-enough-to-be-usable handwriting recognition, but sadly I haven’t heard of anything free/libre and/or offline that is.

Brendan Howell’s The Screenless Office is “a system for working with media and networks without using a pixel-based display. It is an artistic operating system.”

You can “read and navigate news, web sites and social media entirely with the use of various printers for output and a barcode scanner for input”.