“First of all…”

I said it so many times while drunk once that my brother made a song mocking me. That was a wild night.

I was born in 1990, and I had a Teddy Ruxpin bear.

I have another solution that won’t work for everyone. As I mentioned, I cannot scream… But I can hum. So, when I am having a sleep paralysis episode, I start humming as loud and as long as I can, which admittedly isn’t much. However, it is enough to wake up my husband. My husband now shakes me awake anytime I hum in bed (which I asked him to do).

This solution works beautifully for me, and I no longer fear sleep paralysis. But, not everybody else someone else in bed with them.

Edit: wanted to add that before I developed this solution, I used to try to rock back and forth from side to side like a turtle flipping over. Emphasis on the word “try.” Like your fingers and toes solution, this would eventually work. However, it took persistence and usually the “sleep paralysis demons” would be coming towards me slowly the entire time.

Interestingly, now that I can get out of the paralysis more quickly (with my husband’s assistance), I have found that my “demons” (which now often look like normal people) will full on sprint towards me and lunge at me. I’m getting used to this, though, and I wonder what my brain will think of next to try to horrify me.

Actually, me too. Leos are supposed to be outgoing, but I’m usually not. Eh, exceptions prove the rules, right?

That doesn’t sound like what I experience at all. I am paralyzed in both the dream and real life. Sometimes I can even open my eyes and become semi-conscious - yet - I am still paralyzed.

I’ve kinda made up my own pseudo science that astrology is real. However, it has nothing to do with the location of the stars when you are born.

Instead, the time of year when you are born affects your personality for life. Think about it: babies born in winter and constantly being wrapped in blankets and mostly isolated from others except around the holidays. Babies born in summer wear light clothing, and are more likely to have encounters with others, perhaps causing them to be more social later in life.

Flailing? Paralysis? You don’t see the disconnect there?

In sleep paralysis, you cannot move. It’s right there in the name. When I’m having a sleep paralysis episode, I try very hard to move or scream. All I can achieve is a humming-like sound in my throat and a slight rocking motion, if I’m lucky.

I’m sure what you’re experiencing is horrible, but it is not sleep paralysis.

They’re free, you know? I have 6. Well, one of those is actually paid.

“Just look at all these pens and ink! I could write so many things: poetry, history, my deepest secrets, a book that changes the world!”

“So, what are you currently writing?”

“Well, nothing…”

Still it’s just a joke.

I’m making a joke. Americans know what a kilogram is.

I was making a joke because drugs are sold in grams here.

Look, Americans are not familiar with kilograms. However, we do know grams… because… reasons.

Being a native from The South, “Yankee” to me means anybody from the area above the Mason Dixon line. Full disclosure, I’m not proud to be from The South. However, I do find many Yankees to be at least a little bit strange. So, the designation stands in my head.

Rosebud!;!;!;!;

Are we censoring Pepe now?

You sure that’s hard wood? You sure it’s not laminate designed to look like hard wood?

Step one to fixing it would be actually finding out what it is.

My grandmother died in a car accident in the early 70s. My mother still has her purse. In it, there is a receipt for her last rent payment (for a house, not an apartment) which was something ridiculously small, around $35. This was rural Tennessee.

Kinda looks like Darren is about to ink.

Bruh, my nephew… They had to delay his circumcision because the poor guy’s member was “too small.” I tried to convince my family members that they should just not do it.

But, no. They waited until he was big enough and went ahead with the circumcision. This was only about 13 years ago.