nickwitha_k (he/him)

I wish I had some magical advice on that but, good therapy (with skills and experience with adult ADHD and trauma), radical acceptance, medication, and developing positive coping skills is what I’ve got. Still easy to fall into negativity.

A good learning that I had from my therapist is that, regardless of level of success in coping that one attains, going through childhood and early adulthood without support for ADHD and/or other neurodivergence is psychologically traumatic. And that trauma needs to heal. Unfortunately, just like grief, the scars are permanent but, we can get better and let the parts of us that get overshadowed by the trauma and maladaptive coping strategies get some time in the limelight (easier said than done).

I’ve had trans reports in the past when I was a supervisor (TBF, the world was a lot different). Two things that I’d recommend:

• Continue being a good lead and treating them with respect, using their preferred pronouns, etc. Intervene gently but firmly if there is inappropriate derogatory stuff going on in the workplace.

• If possible, I’d get a 1:1 meeting with them and outright ask “Do you want to talk with me about how current events are impacting you and anything that I can do to ensure that you feel supported?”. If they say “no” or aren’t comfortable, ensure that they know that that’s ok and that the offer is there.

As a disclaimer, I am neurospicy so, there may be gentler ways to approach but I have found that clearly and directly communicating that genuine support is there, if they need it want it and giving them a way to ask is generally well-received.

That’s similar to my experience with getting diagnosed in my early 30s (after forgetting about a childhood diagnosis with no treatment). Missing from the statement is the profound impact to self-esteem from being incapable of doing things that one should be readily capable of and being told that one needs to “apply themselves”, as well as the emotional self-harm from judging oneself by neurotypical standards.

Also, good seeing you posting again, Stamets. Hope things are going well.

…I don’t actually know what you mean, if you know what I mean.

Everything pre-measured and ready to be mixed? This looks more like Gentoo or Arch than LFS.