Everything you feel is valid and it is overwhelming. You can’t fix it all quickly. It will seem awful to fix. It can be fixed. When it is behind you, you will be so grateful. You can’t fix all problems now, but when you fix the last problem, you will be grateful to past you for fixing the first problem. However bad things are now, they can get worse, so realize that honestly admitting to these things now under the guise of getting help is not something you should be ashamed of. I have been there, I got past it, and everything changed. Getting my depression dealt with took years, but when it was done, it gave me the space to tolerate the discomfort of weight loss to go from 310 to 185 and to fixy career and health.

You need a therapist, and the right one. Don’t feel embarassed if it isn’t the right fit, I went through 5 or 6 and I’ve been with mine for 10 years. You don’t need to want to get a good grade from your therapist, you won’t disappoint your therapist by having a bad week, your therapist gives you the skills to deal with the difficult things so YOU can fix your problems.

Meds won’t fix the problems, but they will help interrupt the feedback patterns that cause feelings to amplify and seem insurmountable. The right meds will take time to find and dose right, it can take months, but it can be the enabler to help you open mental doors easier. Don’t listen to social media opinions, have an honest discussion with your care team and be open to options that have helped this process for millions of people to your own comfort level. Effexor and lexapro caused more issues than help for me, but Zoloft changed my life and after a decade I am now tapering off… Everyone has a different chemistry and understand the right mix takes time.

You got this.

I know everyone likes tmux but screen is phenomenal. I have a .screenrc I deploy everywhere with a statusbar at the bottom, a set number of pre-defined tabs, and logging to a directory (which is cleaned up after 30 days) so I can go back and figure out what I did. Great tool.