I first tried to kill myself in 2000, and writing about it of course resulted in another fucking award from Columbia.

My drug dealer broke into my apartment, found my phone, called everyone he’d ever heard me talk about, and then finally 911. I’d been thorough.

At that point, it was merely personal problems; we now have systemic ones.

I’m still crashing with a friend but return to the marginally movable trash can tomorrow.

I don’t know what I’m looking for by posting. I just know “not this” is where I’m at in life, and one can only spend so much time with the crisis line.

  • ninjaphysics@beehaw.orgEnglish
    2·
    7 hours ago

    It’s all so confusing when you put what you interpret to be “good” out into the world, only to be shit on, chastised, or ignored after the fact. Reading what Kwakigra responded to you with, and remembering the examples of Pals coming together and celebrating community despite the horrors they face, I’m reminded of a cliché - those who mind don’t matter, and those that matter don’t mind. In your struggles, despite them or because of them, you can still find community. I count myself as grateful to see your continued contributions here, and it sounds like others feel similarly. You’ve probably opened my eyes to a number of things that enrich my life in these two short years here. I just hope that this random Internet person (me) can somehow show thanks for your existence. Does this count for much? Maybe not, but maybe. All I know is that you seem to be a positive influence here, and I appreciate you.