I grew up in a rough household. We had holes punched into the walls, doors torn off the frames, my siblings and I saw regular abuse, and as a kid I constantly felt like I had to do things to keep the family held together.
I felt like I was treated by my parents as a servant. They constantly threw away anything I remotely liked, and continued stacking chores on me, especially those that weren’t my own mess. They gave me the boot shortly before graduation, and long story short, I finally got a place for myself after years of effort.
I just can’t shake this feeling though that things are painfully unfair. Like you escape hell after all these years, and the first thing expected from you is to find a job. I get it, you need to work to make money and pay the rent and bills but… why me? Why after all this time of putting up with the crap you have instead of being a kid are you just expected to step in line like everyone else when you never got that opportunity to find who you are and simply enjoy life for what it is.
I don’t know, is this lazy? It’s not that I don’t want to work, but why can’t I be a kid? Why can’t I have some time to reclaim what all was taken from me and have some time to enjoy myself rather than grasp at random short memories I had before I was 5? Everyone else got it, why not me?
I don’t know, am I just rambling about nothing?
People who say that they like working or want to work more are either lying to look more productive or crazy workaholics (please, get help if you fall in that category).
Nobody wants to work, but most people have to, so try making the most out of your free time after work and don’t let your job become your life.
You’re not lazy, you just value your free time and are trying to process a difficult trauma. That’s not laziness so don’t be too hard on yourself about it :>
I enjoy work to the extent that one can enjoy something they’re forced to do. I don’t think there’s anything wrong with that. Would I choose to do a million other things with my time if I could? Sure. But there’s nothing wrong with liking something even if it’s not your preference.