Full disclosure: I had to quit my meds earlier this week because of side effects (tachycardia).
So I am raw dogging my emotions right now, and to put it simply: I am just so damned angry. I genuinely want to break everything around me; except… I can’t. I can’t do a goddamned thing because … responsibilities.
I feel so overwhelmed by everything, and I have absolutely no one to turn to; no one who will listen. I have no friends, and aside of my children, I have no family. My dog doesn’t even want to be around me when I’m sad or upset.
How the fuck do people do this?
I had to quit my meds because of side effects, too. The anxiety and the melancholy did creep back. It sucks. I don’t have friends or close family either. Therapy is a must for me. We talk about current and past emotional distress and triggers. My spouse is here for me but a trained pro is the only way I can make progress. I’m just doing a day at a time sometimes. I knew going into meds that they were just there to keep me alive long enough to start processing my traumas and pain.
I had to start examining the sources to get any better, to make the emotions bearable and less controlling. I had to dive into them and see what was at the bottom. I have a lot of work to do still. The outside world isn’t making this any easier. But I didn’t want to merely dull those emotions or deal with side effects of medication. I wanted control. Been off meds for almost two years now.
I would love to be off the meds, but it’s likely not a long term thing for me. I suffer from long-term depression; it can last years at a time. Therapy has been extremely helpful, but I still have to deal with my demons.