Military brat growing up in various parts of the US/foreign military bases. Like, my dad had leaves on his shoulder and I was often expected to be a showpiece at various squadron events a promotions and whatnot. Bought into all of the propaganda about American exceptionalism and how the military was full of heroes and always did the right thing. Managed to get an undergrad in physics so I could work on making sure people like my dad were more likely to come home. Got a job doing radar jamming for bombers; I was proud out of my mind and conquering the nightmares about my dad not coming home from my childhood. Did that for 5 years, and given the clearance and the nature of the work I learned a much more accurate version of what the American military does/is. Slowly realized that my entire upbringing and worldview were toxic horseshit, and let depression and PTSD rage unchecked because I was afraid of losing my clearance for seeking help. Finally couldn’t take it, quit, and went back to school. Got a masters in compsci and was working on a PhD when the PTSD started to get overwhelming and got kicked out. Probably for the better anyway, I was basically a glorified DHS intern as a phd student. I’m out of that situation now but I don’t know what to do with my life. Everything I know and all of my skills feel like poison, I don’t even believe in science anymore. Like in the sense that I don’t believe it can be used for the benefit of humanity rather than building imperial militaries or police states. I am struggling
Hello, oil baby here. My dad was a physicist for big oil and my mom was a geologist. Your whole life isn’t a lie. We went through this so we can help the world change. No one said this would be easy. Of course you still believe in science and you better never say that again. Make big choices, get somewhere new where you can find hope and pull yourself out of this. We need you
Look I’m sure you mean well but I’ve been hearing roughly the same line my entire life. “Nobody said it would be easy, the world needs you!” I’ve listened before, and all it’s gotten me is some unknowable amount of blood on my hands (complete with recurring detailed nightmares from the times I’ve watched the end results of my work) and completely discarded from society when it started affecting my mental health. The world is legitimately a worse place for the scientific endeavors I’ve been part of, and it absolutely does not need another overconfident white guy who was raised to be an oppressor and has been marinating in propaganda for the better part of 3 decades. It’s got enough of those already, strictly to the detriment of everybody living here
Hey man you’ve got nothing but agreeance from me. You’re 100 percent right. I moved from the Deep South to the pacific north west because I was horrified by my roots and by what my family contributed to. But I have zero excuses for not having a better attitude, more resilience and at least attempting to better the world. You’re not wrong, but none of your feelings change the fact that the world does, in fact, need your brain power- especially if you’re capable of such deep introspection. I value you. I hope you can start to value yourself.
My siblings feel the same way. Three of us and zero grandkids. Trying to live lightly upon this earth and not commit the same sins as the ones before us.
Military brat growing up in various parts of the US/foreign military bases. Like, my dad had leaves on his shoulder and I was often expected to be a showpiece at various squadron events a promotions and whatnot. Bought into all of the propaganda about American exceptionalism and how the military was full of heroes and always did the right thing. Managed to get an undergrad in physics so I could work on making sure people like my dad were more likely to come home. Got a job doing radar jamming for bombers; I was proud out of my mind and conquering the nightmares about my dad not coming home from my childhood. Did that for 5 years, and given the clearance and the nature of the work I learned a much more accurate version of what the American military does/is. Slowly realized that my entire upbringing and worldview were toxic horseshit, and let depression and PTSD rage unchecked because I was afraid of losing my clearance for seeking help. Finally couldn’t take it, quit, and went back to school. Got a masters in compsci and was working on a PhD when the PTSD started to get overwhelming and got kicked out. Probably for the better anyway, I was basically a glorified DHS intern as a phd student. I’m out of that situation now but I don’t know what to do with my life. Everything I know and all of my skills feel like poison, I don’t even believe in science anymore. Like in the sense that I don’t believe it can be used for the benefit of humanity rather than building imperial militaries or police states. I am struggling
Hello, oil baby here. My dad was a physicist for big oil and my mom was a geologist. Your whole life isn’t a lie. We went through this so we can help the world change. No one said this would be easy. Of course you still believe in science and you better never say that again. Make big choices, get somewhere new where you can find hope and pull yourself out of this. We need you
Look I’m sure you mean well but I’ve been hearing roughly the same line my entire life. “Nobody said it would be easy, the world needs you!” I’ve listened before, and all it’s gotten me is some unknowable amount of blood on my hands (complete with recurring detailed nightmares from the times I’ve watched the end results of my work) and completely discarded from society when it started affecting my mental health. The world is legitimately a worse place for the scientific endeavors I’ve been part of, and it absolutely does not need another overconfident white guy who was raised to be an oppressor and has been marinating in propaganda for the better part of 3 decades. It’s got enough of those already, strictly to the detriment of everybody living here
Hey man you’ve got nothing but agreeance from me. You’re 100 percent right. I moved from the Deep South to the pacific north west because I was horrified by my roots and by what my family contributed to. But I have zero excuses for not having a better attitude, more resilience and at least attempting to better the world. You’re not wrong, but none of your feelings change the fact that the world does, in fact, need your brain power- especially if you’re capable of such deep introspection. I value you. I hope you can start to value yourself.
You are fucking awesome.
My siblings feel the same way. Three of us and zero grandkids. Trying to live lightly upon this earth and not commit the same sins as the ones before us.
I just hope we haven’t permafucked this planet
I’m sorry. ❤️