That’s similar to my experience with getting diagnosed in my early 30s (after forgetting about a childhood diagnosis with no treatment). Missing from the statement is the profound impact to self-esteem from being incapable of doing things that one should be readily capable of and being told that one needs to “apply themselves”, as well as the emotional self-harm from judging oneself by neurotypical standards.
Also, good seeing you posting again, Stamets. Hope things are going well.
I was diagnosed at the same age and identify with everything you said.
The most demoralizing thing is feeling worthless when society bases the justification for your existence on how well you impress in a “competitive job market”, judged by sociopaths against neurotypical standards. Expected to be the most charming person ever while maintaining machine-like consistency.
No amount of self "it’s okay buddy you’re just different"s change material reality. And it’s infuriating. :(
I wish I had some magical advice on that but, good therapy (with skills and experience with adult ADHD and trauma), radical acceptance, medication, and developing positive coping skills is what I’ve got. Still easy to fall into negativity.
A good learning that I had from my therapist is that, regardless of level of success in coping that one attains, going through childhood and early adulthood without support for ADHD and/or other neurodivergence is psychologically traumatic. And that trauma needs to heal. Unfortunately, just like grief, the scars are permanent but, we can get better and let the parts of us that get overshadowed by the trauma and maladaptive coping strategies get some time in the limelight (easier said than done).
That’s similar to my experience with getting diagnosed in my early 30s (after forgetting about a childhood diagnosis with no treatment). Missing from the statement is the profound impact to self-esteem from being incapable of doing things that one should be readily capable of and being told that one needs to “apply themselves”, as well as the emotional self-harm from judging oneself by neurotypical standards.
Also, good seeing you posting again, Stamets. Hope things are going well.
I was diagnosed at the same age and identify with everything you said.
The most demoralizing thing is feeling worthless when society bases the justification for your existence on how well you impress in a “competitive job market”, judged by sociopaths against neurotypical standards. Expected to be the most charming person ever while maintaining machine-like consistency.
No amount of self "it’s okay buddy you’re just different"s change material reality. And it’s infuriating. :(
I wish I had some magical advice on that but, good therapy (with skills and experience with adult ADHD and trauma), radical acceptance, medication, and developing positive coping skills is what I’ve got. Still easy to fall into negativity.
A good learning that I had from my therapist is that, regardless of level of success in coping that one attains, going through childhood and early adulthood without support for ADHD and/or other neurodivergence is psychologically traumatic. And that trauma needs to heal. Unfortunately, just like grief, the scars are permanent but, we can get better and let the parts of us that get overshadowed by the trauma and maladaptive coping strategies get some time in the limelight (easier said than done).