When I was a child I had my whole life planned out up til about 27 when everything got fuzzy looking forward.
Most of those plans were Derailed when I was 19, I had a meltdown in a situation where I lacked the support I needed to handle myself. Less than a month later I lived almost 2k Miles from my hometown.
Today, at 28, I have only the vaguest plans for my future, with no clear timelines.
I want to sell my art, I want SRS, I wanna marry my fiancé. Most of all though, and this is the big SUPER important one. I NEED to have a piece of art in the museum of Modern Art in my hometown specifically as a “fuck you I told you I could be an artist” to my mother.
You guys have plans for the future?
We have concepts of plans. Trump stole that shit from us.
Absolutely! I have vague tentative plans for tomorrow.
I resigned from my job, without offer, i guess tomorrow will be a different wakeup.
it sucks when I get that wave of productivity and then I try to push myself like that every day and beat myself up when I don’t achieve it.
I will apply myself tomorrow.
She will not.
TBH getting medicine was kinda like that for me. It’s not a perfect solution ofc
For me getting medicine was a wake-up call that “things take time to do”. Even when you can focus. I had some weird dreamy idea “if only I could focus”.
How does it help you?
My main problem always was energy. Not wanting to go out, not wanting to work, sometimes literally not wanting to do anything. I still had motivation and ambitions though. The feeling of being unable to do what I really wanted, to live up to who my idea of who I wanted to be, made me feel like wasting all my potential.
The medicine gives me that extra kick in the butt energy wise and also lowers the barrier of “just doing it”. It makes everything you do just a little bit more rewarding, so that now my hobbies even have a chance to compete against the dopamine of video games and fast food.
All in all, now I feel like I actually use my potential. When I don’t do something I wanted to, mostly now it’s because of time, not energy. Also it really helped me in social situations by closing that sensory filter a bit, giving me some more runtime before I get exhausted.
What I don’t like: If I couldn’t live the life I wanted before the medicine, and now I can, what happens if I don’t take the medicine anymore? If it works as it’s supposed to, you build your life on top of that effect, so being dependent on it is kinda built in. I’ve already experienced times where the medicine wasn’t as effective, and suddenly my daily life seemed not stimulating enough anymore compared to my old habits.
I accept this trade off though, since it’s the first thing that ever let me live my life like I actually wanted to.
That’s really interesting thanks 😊
This delusion is what keeps me going
Oh, fuck this!!!
I think this can be solved by writing a very long list of tasks.
I’ll just put this over there with the other lists.
