I feel you. I was really lucky that I could give two of my cats to a friends family when I had to separate them. In between I had to give up all of my cats due to my health issues. It distroyed me, it tore such a big hole in me. Luckily I got to take Miez back after my health improved. I thought she was in good hands, but I was dead wrong. When the elderly woman that took her in had a broken leg (complicated bone fracture, took several months to heal) she starten smoking on the couch right next to Miez, and now Miez is asthmatic.