Regular reminder that being an asshole is not a symptom of any form of neurodivergence. (You can replace “neurodivergent” with depressed, anxious, bipolar, etc. and the diagram works equally well)
ETA: social faux pas, awkwardness, and genuine symptoms of neurodivergence don’t make you an asshole. I shouldn’t have to say this? An “asshole” is someone who enacts a pattern of abusive, controlling, harassing, and/or harmful behavior with no remorse or concern for how other people are affected.
It’s so hard to tell sometimes. Thinking of a bipolar chap I knew back when. Decent hang most of the time, but really thoughtless and possessive at other times.
I still think he was mostly a jerk. Mostly.
I had a friend that had a traumatic brain injury and almost lost his leg from an explosion in Iraq. They guy was a loose cannon, so I tried making sure he didn’t do things that were to stupid. He would often run dilemmas by me, and I would talk it out so that he could make healthy choices. I could tell that he kind of looked up to me sometimes. I would hang out with him, give him regular guidance, paint a healthy path for him…but that was pointless. I was too powerless to help this guy. He just wanted to be stupid, drive drunk, run red lights, have ton’s of one-night stands, get into bar fights, hustle money, do drugs, hangout with the wrong crowd, etc. I had to cut him off because he was trying to drag me down into that scene. One time in the middle of the day, I’m riding shotgun with this guy. Everything seems fine. Some guy cuts us off. He gets pissed and pulls out a pistol from the center console to show the guy that cut us off. I’m in the middle of the altercation begging for him to just move on. Luckily, the other guy backed down. The last time I hung out with him, he shows up at my house unannounced and says we’re going out to have fun. My girlfriend gives me the approval. I get in the car with him, and he starts driving to I really don’t know where. A light up ahead turns red, and about 3 seconds into it, we run it without stopping despite my warnings. I then realize this guy had been drinking. I can’t remember how, but I either pulled an Irish goodbye or had my girlfriend pick me up. I never hung out with him again.
Years later, I heard he got married, bought a huge house in a fancy neighborhood, and had five kids. A few years after me drifting away from that entire social circle, a joint friend tells me they heard he was in a halfway house/rehab facility after beating his wife. Some people just can’t function right even with supervision. It was a hard lesson. All things considered, I still feel bad for the guy. I believe he was a good guy deep inside, but needed more supervision than what I could provide as a friend. I hope he recovers for everyone’s sake.
What he really needed was for his country to stop ignoring the true cost of sending troops into dangerous situations and for us to support him properly.
If we as Americans can’t take care of our soldiers once they’ve come home, then we can’t afford to be the world police. I’m thoroughly disgusted and ashamed of my government for allowing this situation to happen.
You are a good person for trying to help him, but realistically he needs constant support from professionals.