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Thank you for sharing all of this with us, you’re going through a lot, and I give you my support for that. I think Buddhism can indeed really help you, if you are willing to be open about it. Helping others is a crucial point, but first it is important to “work” on yourself, understanding what is suffering, the origin of it and the way to end it. It is a long journey, but this is not only about knowledge, it is especially“practice” and experience of it. I highly suggest you “The Heart of the Buddha’s teachings” from Thich Nhat Hanh as a starter book, to understand what Buddhism is about in general and start applying its teachings in daily life. From there you may consider following a specific tradition.

This was my answer to you, and no, everyone may live their own spirituality freely, but if we are talking about Buddhism, there surely are more appropriate ways.

Alan Watts is not a good resource if you want really want to understand and practice Buddhism, he was critical in making it spread into the West but that’s it. He, by his admission, wasn’t even a Buddhist and considered himself a philosophical entertainer, and his knowledge of Buddhism reflected liberal (in an Anglican theological sense) hermeneutic, he was heavily rooted in the Anglican Christian tradition. Especially in this age you can easily find much more informations and resources from actual Buddhist traditions and teachers.