you have too much context in your head and not here

That’s definitely something I’m guilty of from time to time.

Does this help?

* Drawing not to scale

I’m not a plumber either so I could be completely wrong, but I believe it’s a minimum viable vent diagram.

What do you think is missing?

I basically have a drain with no vent or p-trap or anything and I’m hoping this would be a viable fix (you could imagine the right “column” as a straight line and that would be the current configuration)

Why is the drill the most bothersome part of the whole thing for me?