I grew up in a rough household. We had holes punched into the walls, doors torn off the frames, my siblings and I saw regular abuse, and as a kid I constantly felt like I had to do things to keep the family held together.

I felt like I was treated by my parents as a servant. They constantly threw away anything I remotely liked, and continued stacking chores on me, especially those that weren’t my own mess. They gave me the boot shortly before graduation, and long story short, I finally got a place for myself after years of effort.

I just can’t shake this feeling though that things are painfully unfair. Like you escape hell after all these years, and the first thing expected from you is to find a job. I get it, you need to work to make money and pay the rent and bills but… why me? Why after all this time of putting up with the crap you have instead of being a kid are you just expected to step in line like everyone else when you never got that opportunity to find who you are and simply enjoy life for what it is.

I don’t know, is this lazy? It’s not that I don’t want to work, but why can’t I be a kid? Why can’t I have some time to reclaim what all was taken from me and have some time to enjoy myself rather than grasp at random short memories I had before I was 5? Everyone else got it, why not me?

I don’t know, am I just rambling about nothing?

  • Pudutr0n@feddit.cl
    5·
    1 day ago

    You’re not rambling about nothing, and yes, you got dealt shit cards by the croupier of life. Lots of people have it easier in many regards. I can understand your frustration and resistance. You got robbed of your childhood and that sucks.

    However, life is unfair and life is relentless and that ain’t changing anytime soon. If you don’t find a job/income source within a reasonable time frame, you’ll be back in a different kind of hell.

    I understand you are grieving for your childhood, but sometimes your material situation becomes more urgent than your feelings. How urgent finding a job is depends on your personal finances and security nets available.

    I suggest getting a job for your own good. Life is unfair but all we can do is adapt and look out for ourselves and those we care about.

    If you play your cards right career-wise, you might be able to dedicate some time to self discovery now or more later on, when you have financial stability.

    Good luck to you, friend.