You must log in or register to comment.
I have been in this headspace for 5-10 years as I could see this moment of collapse coming, I have lost most of my friends or a great distance has opened up between me and them where more and more whenever I am vulnerable and share how I feel I get some form of “it is useless being negative, you have to be happy and let it go!”.
Wish all those people didn’t take so long to have a mature realistic outlook, but whatever, their old self is being obliterated by the new status quo, so in a very real way those people are already gone or at most a lingering ugly remnant of the past.
I hate to say it, but now isn’t the only time it’s a problem.
This whole “you just need to practice more CBT skills” has been bullshit for like twenty fucking years or more.
I can “check the facts” all I want, if the facts are that things are irreparably and totally fucked and that this irreparability is hurting me directly I can’t “happy thoughts” my fucking way out of it.
I’m really tired of being told “you can’t change other people, so you need to work on yourself” when other people are allowed to be giant assholes their whole lives who never have to put one ounce of work into themselves and it’s me and everyone else who is a halfway decent person who has to spend their lives fucking working on ourselves.
The system is god damned broken and has been god damned broken when we practically reward the worst of us with never having to try to do better while telling the best of us that we just have to do better.
I’m really, really over it.
There are many, many reasons to be upset about the state of the world, but the purpose of CBT is similar to the purpose of stoicism. It is not meant to teach someone how to interface with society, but with themselves. Managing one’s emotional state by managing their cognitive state. This is a valuable skill to have even if in the midst of the apocalypse.
Even if you can change other people, generally speaking you can’t do it right here right now, so CBT is best served to interrupt or redirect cyclical thought processes that can’t actually motivate someone toward any positive outcome.
Having the thought - “This is fucked and I’m going to do X, Y, and Z” - is healthy.
Having the thought - “this is fucked this is fucked this is fucked this is fucked this is fucked” - on repeat in your head when you can’t currently do X, Y, or Z, is not. CBT is meant to help someone break out of the latter, not the former.
There are many, many reasons to be upset about the state of the world, but the purpose of CBT is similar to the purpose of stoicism. It is not meant to teach someone how to interface with society, but with themselves.
Nobody cares for the most part about the intended purpose at the end of the day, they care about the actual impact which is that CBT is a convenient framing to exclude the non-individualist reasons people are miserable.
CBT is a convenient framing to exclude the non-individualist reasons people are miserable.
The rest of my comment addresses this - again, this isn’t how CBT works. CBT does not say “if you constantly feel bad, it’s your fault, not society’s”.
It’s just a strategy to manage unproductive and unhealthy negative thoughts, not negative thoughts in general. It’s totally healthy to feel anger, grief, sadness, etc in response to all types of things. If someone is telling you otherwise, they’re not performing CBT.
What you need to realize though is that you can only affect so much. Mostly if you need help you should help yourself first. Then if you’re happy and capable, you need to help others. Not the other way around. So get with it and don’t hang yourself up on “shit is fucked”. It is, but it has been worse and it also can get worse. But that doesn’t really matter for now, help yourself first if you need to.
Like ofc it’s not wrong to also help others.
The situation is hopeless and has always been. But that’s not as bad as it sounds and it frees you and me from the burden of the world. Do what you can, that’s enough.
I can highly recommend this video for reflecting on hopeless thoughts: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iJaE_BvLK6U
Mostly if you need help you should help yourself first. Then if you’re happy and capable, you need to help others. Not the other way around
I think you’re not getting what they’re saying. Of course you can only work on yourself, but therapy doesn’t exist in a vacuum and frequently you’re just learning coping mechanisms for the status quo. Which is frequently good, being able to cope with society and remain functional is good, but people often have coping as the goal instead of merely being a step.
This person wants to change the system so coping mechanisms aren’t necessary to deal with society
Of course you can only work on yourself, but therapy doesn’t exist in a vacuum and frequently you’re just learning coping mechanisms for the status quo.
I doubt this is true. This feels like something that I would have told myself before therapy so I wouldn’t have to deal with myself
I think you might be projecting a little.
It’s just not my experience.
I’m not having hopeless thoughts.
I’m having issues with CBT being used as a way to teach people learned helplessness where “you can’t affect other people.” Because, actually, society in aggregate (often called governance) can totally influence, affect, and change other people. We seemingly have given up on holding people who break the social contract accountable for anything while forcing those who do uphold the social contract accountable for everything. Fascism is the end-stage manifestation of that.
In my experience, in practice, it does more to teach people they can’t affect change more than it teaches them they can. It teaches them to be helpless on purpose.
This isn’t what cbt is
Cbt is an extension of equanimity, learning ways to control your emotional response to things. You don’t deny your emotional response, but you moderate it
This is advantageous because what’s more effective? Dwelling in rumination and suffering? Or acknowledging that we are angry and frustrated and moving forward to something actionable when that is possible and moving on with our lives when it is not? This is where we get into more DBT skills and stuff like radical acceptance but it’s similar
This is what happens with these things in the modern context though. They get displayed at surface value with pop psychology social media bullshit and perverted. Then stoicism becomes “just deny your feelings” by right wing dipshits who have never read meditations when it is also about allowing yourself to feel and express feelings but not letting them control you through a practice of reflection.
CBT is essentially just an update of philosophy like this and Buddhism for the modern context with more explicit guidance and some neurology thrown in.
“You can’t affect other people” is incorrect as you say. While we do have to concede that other people’s willingness to change their behavior and perspective is ultimately up to them we can still advocate and influence. At the same time we can recognize that this process can be draining and harmful to ourselves and at a certain point maybe we need to take a step back. You can’t save fix a house with a rotting foundation.
Bad implementation doesn’t make CBT bad.
Bad implementation doesn’t make CBT bad
Well see here is the thing, it does when it becomes a key rhetorical tool the ruling class uses to brutalize poor and working class en masse and doctors shrug and say with a resigned smile “well that is politics, we help individuals with their health, nothing we can do about that!”.
That doesn’t even make sense?
You are talking maybe about capitalism informing psychotherapy away from solution oriented therapies because they are too costly and impractical and that is fucked up but that has nothing to do with cbt?
Or maybe something else, clarify?
Just a heads up I won’t be offering any back and forth here, too busy.
But for anyone reading, CBT is not what is being described here. CBT / DBT are effective and should still be explored as viable options.
It was a long time ago and only briefly, but I agree this does not sound at all like what I recall from a CBT session.
CBT was designed for people who had severe behavioral issues.
The idea that it should be done by everyone is because extracting profit by selling cookie cutter solutions is the perversion of capitalism.
This is an entirely different approach than most people are used to. My advice from a couple of combat deployments is to cultivate a task oriented mindset. What does that mean? It means worrying about the task you are doing right now and nothing else. That doesn’t mean you never look at the bigger picture. But if you’re at dinner, then you’re at dinner and you enjoy that. You can check when the next protest is, after dinner. You take each day like this and before you know it we’ll be voting Trump out of office.
before you know it we’ll be voting Trump out of office.
No offense, but this is a weird comment. How are we going to vote him out of office? Are we just accepting that he’s going to run for a third term? We can’t let him do that.
There will be no “voting maga out of office”.
That ship has sailed.
Don’t comply in advance, don’t take it for granted that the next election won’t happen. They want you to cancel that election, don’t do their work for them.
Oh people will fill out ballots and there will be election maps, don’t worry about that.
Wow, so this is basically the technique I started when a close family member was dying of cancer.
“But if you’re at dinner, then you’re at dinner and you enjoy that”
I just want to add to this, give yourself permission to fully enjoy it and be happy in the moment. Don’t beat yourself up for feeling joy when you know others are still in crisis.
Make a list on paper or digital and let all the problems wait while you enjoy the moment. It’s okay to enjoy the moment.
This is exactly why I’m trying to limit news intake. I was kinda spiraling out with it all. I’ll still do stuff, show up and whatever, but man. This regime is AWFUL for my mental health.
And like for good reason, I know that I’m right to be scared of what’s happening but I gotta mediate this.
This is actually touching on a real new approach to mental healthcare, which is just accepting that “life is shit” and you’re kinda on your own to find meaning in it, or get to the next high-point that makes it worth living.
We have to stop expecting things to be stable, normal and comfortable. We had a good, smooth run, things are going back to normal now.
Humanity having enough power that their mistakes can destroy the world isn’t normal. Our failure tolerances were calibrated in a world where the damage we did to nature was temporary. That’s not true anymore; we either get our act together now or go extinct.
We ain’t going “extinct” and people quite frankly need to realize that “extinction” is an incredibly low bar to clear. Billions will die and millennia of suffering lay before us, but the human species will be a-ok, especially if our industrial civilizations collapse. It’s a fire that’ll burn itself out, and thus history will continue.
The human species isn’t people, but a term to describe our shared code; code that isn’t you or the people you love. We are more than just our long term machinery. If we only focus on the forest, we miss the well being of the trees. I’d rather all our bloodlines end and us live lives focused on ourselves, than have an eternity of worshipping constructs that force us to live for them.
The Earth maintains homeostasis. Past 2 degrees warming, the current homeostasis systems break down. We don’t know where the next homeostasis point is. It’s probably a lot worse. It’ll keep getting worse past the point we stop making it worse. Most of the species on earth will go extinct.
Hey guys this probably isn’t the right place, but I’m new to mental health issues. About two weeks ago I started having crippling anxiety attacks, mostly at or right after work. I do intl logistics for my company so I’ve had a pulse on all this bullshit from the getgo.
At the same time I started having blood pressure issues, and the combination has a vicious feedback loop of anxiety > elevated heart issues > anxiety etc.
My doctor gave me 30 Xanax (and a plethora of heart meds), I’ve looked up self help type stuff to help with the anxiety… Mindfulness, breathing exercises, etc. Daily walks and exercise help the most but I feel so out of control of my emotions I don’t really know what to do anymore.
Should I talk to my GP and get on something long term? Therapist? Keep trying self help?
I’m 38 and otherwise healthy, no depression, slightly overweight but physically active and eating healthy. I stopped all my vices (nicotine, alcohol, most weed I still take edibles CBD) and I don’t know how to cope without being self destructive.
If anyone else is going through this and getting traction just let me know your experience I guess. I don’t know anyone irl as affected as me so I mainly just want validation I’m not alone and there’s a path forward.
BetterHelp. Download it and talk to someone.
BetterHelp is not a good company.
Any help is better than struggling alone which is what these people are doing. As someone who actually uses the platform I’ve not had a bad experience and have had the same therapist.
Just because anecdotally, it’s okay for you, doesn’t make the company or its practices good. Nor will I excuse them. They have also ruined therapy for many, many people, who won’t go back or struggle to go to a therapist after getting “dumped” by BetterHelp. Or worse. I will not and would not advocate BetterHelp for anyone first therapy experience.
this is exactly why therapists seem to be total nutjobs in my opinion, they don’t have actual solutions that work for any case where the symptoms are justified by the climate other than “leave the climate that’s justifying it”.
Why I like my therapist so much. She understands wholly what I mean, and she helps me to remember we can only control what we can. I can control my plants, in this case.
On a tangent just last week I, well, I was telling her a video game I play I was having difficulty with the wolves. Everytime I’d come across them, I’d get anxiety and attacked, die, respawn, and when I’d go to get my inventory, I’d be shaking so bad I couldnt even use the mouse to gather it. The boar’s were easy, the bears made me afraid a bit, but the wolves we’re having me panic.
She asked, why do you think the wolves have you panic? The most generic, easy response, right? I shrugged it off and said probably my trauma (I have diagnosed c-ptsd). Meeting ended.
But for three days, I couldn’t get the question out of my head. Why were the wolves freaking me out so badly? I wanted to defeat the wolves. Then I remembered, 14 years ago I was bit by a dog. Aggressively. He lunged for my neck, I blocked him with my arm where he snagged me. Another person put the dog in a head lock so he couldn’t shake his head, the dog didn’t let go until I, well, instinct kicked in I guess and I played dead, I exhaled and went limp. He let go, I went to the hospital and was lucky, he nearly missed my tendon. I had forgotten… I know… I know, but it all made sense. The next time I came aross the wolves, I didnt lose my inventory.
So simple, so effective. You must find the right therapist and sometimes it’s difficult.
Everyone is a furry, jeez
(I am a furry ugh)
I’d rather see furries than fascists.
Heyo yee. We rise up.
One of my coworkers is a furry. He’s the only god dammed person on the team holding the project together.
His code is deep magic though, so it’s a double edged sword.
Ugh I don’t wanna toot my own horn (but I will)
When I’m working from home, I’m legitimately in bed for 80+% of the time rotting and watching dumb shit.
On an average day, I quantifiably do half the work of my department. We have seven people. Two of them do nothing, one does almost nothing, and two others do good work.
I tend to aim for 50% of the day doing actual shit, as long as I have some good progress to show for the day. The rest of it is resting and keeping up with house chores.
In person was such a shit show. I was only working for 50% anyways, and also had chores once I got home. So it was a lose lose situation for both me and my employer.
Not looking forward to the RTO they’re inevitably going to do.
Depressive realism sucks… and the shittiest people are immune to it.
They are not immune. Being shitty is their way of dealing with the situation. Shittiness and depression is caused by the same corrupt society.
