Currently living with parents but I’d like to know how to become independent so I can fall back on that knowledge in future
If location is relevant, I live in Australia
I mean, independence is just doing things for yourself. Even if you’re living with parents, you can start with these things:
- cooking your own meals
- buying your own food
- washing up the items you’ve used for cooking and eating
- washing your own clothes
- keeping your room clean
Bonus if you start doing some of these for your parents, too. I’m sure they’ll appreciate it!
Nice try, OP’s parent
😇
I already do cook most of my own food especially since I use a food tracking app to help loose weight
And I need to learn to keep my room clean because when I clean it, it eventually becomes dirty again
There’s something uniquely different to not live together with other people anymore. For everyone I’ve talked to, including myself, living alone for a while was an incredibly important experience, not replaceable by simply “doing things for yourself”.
Only when there’s no one around can you truly figure out what you would want yourself. As long as there’s immediate interaction, just even being seen doing something, there’s some kind of influence on our psyche by this interaction. There’s just some large difference to when you’re completely independent/alone for a while.
Being able to do stuff like you say is fine and makes sense and is good preparation, but it’s just not in the same ballpark at all.
Oh yeah, undoubtedly it’s not the same. But getting practiced at the essential activities means that it’s not so overwhelming when you end up by yourself.
The fact that you live here in Australia means I actually have relevant information for once, yay!
I work in individual support through the NDIS. That is the National Disability Insurance Scheme. It has been praised internationally as a wonderful tool for meeting the needs of people without telling them exactly what they have to do. This means it is very flexible and able to meet needs you may not consider, like helping you connect your internet and electricity after moving.
For example, I work with a young autistic person who mostly gets help with dishes, vacuuming, shopping, and dealing with awkward and difficult social issues like returning things to a store for a warranty replacement.
Another people I have worked with just didn’t have the skills to manage dealing with learning to drive. We spent a few weeks of 2 hours twice a week on driving. He got his license and is driving now.
Obviously your needs are unique and honestly there are almost definitely things that you don’t know are needs because it simply has not come up yet, everyone has those. Getting into a situation that is a bit of a stretch for you, something you find challenging but not dire and awful, can be very useful for increasing your skills. If nothing else the challenge of living alone would help you learn about yourself and figure out what you like, what you dislike, what is easy, what is hard, and how to recruit help.
If you have a diagnosis of autism regardless of level you should be able to get some support. If it is level 2 you will get lots and lots of support. The NDIS is absolutely awesome and you can really get tailored support in ways I would not have considered a couple of years ago. Good luck!
Start treating them like housemates.
I went to college and lived in dorms - and had to pay an increasing portion of my expenses until I was paying all of them. The result was working 2 jobs and attending school full time. When I graduated during the .com bust, I sent 300 resumes out and finally landed a job that paid me enough to live without 7 roommates. So, in my case, the trick was having at least 1 job that could pay my expenses.
This might not work for everybody’s abilities but this is what I’d recommend:
• Get a steady income, even if it’s not work you love or want to spend your life doing. Health insurance coverage is helpful, and getting your own through work may be your cheapest and most useful option (location depending).
• Get a car/truck/van or whatever vehicle that can get you around, hopefully for cheap (may not apply if you live in a big city). Get insurance on it.
• Find a residence such as an apartment or even a house, hopefully for cheap but not too cheap. Get insurance on it.
• Separate your parents from your bank accounts, credit cards, etc. and get your own. [EDIT: also get ahold of your birth certificate, social security card, personal IDs, etc., and put them in a waterproof and fireproof safety box and keep this in your possession]
• Get your own cell phone, cell plan, and internet plan.
• Know where you can get groceries and know at least some basic meal prep and cooking.
• Know how to do your laundry. If you don’t have a washer and dryer in your residence, find a laundromat.
• Budget all of the above. If you will be paying rent, this will probably be the biggest consumer of your income, so use the frequency of rent payments as your unit span of time to budget for (ex. monthly). You want to try to end each month with more money than you had at the start of the month, so you want to spend less than you earn.
• Find some way to socialize, to be part of a community, and to be physically active without your parents making you (I’m still working on this one).
• Keep good hygiene and cleanliness for yourself and your home. You have to do the sweeping and cleaning now, and you have to keep your schedule with appointments for dentists, doctors, etc.
• Expect for things to go sideways sometimes. Your car might break down and cost a fortune to fix, you might lose your job, your home might flood, etc. “Independent” isn’t an absolute. Friends and family are important to have as contacts so we can help each other out when these rare big problems occur.
Find a way to get a solid reliable income by finding some sort of career
Living on your own is great, but can also feel weirdly lonely. Be ready to turn on the radio or a TV show for near continuous background noise.
I wish I had a good answer… most of my life, I was raised by a single parent. I love my mom, but she’s no doubt also on the spectrum, and she was incredibly overprotective and wasn’t the best at managing her emotions. After I turned 18 and started community college, I really pushed for my independence. She didn’t do too well with this and was constantly telling me I wasn’t allowed to leave without her permission and set an arbitrary curfew for me. I pushed back, she got super upset, changed the locks on me one day, and I was forced to live in my car (until I totalled it), friends’ floors, and eventually a small shelter specifically for people struggling with mental health issues. I really hated that shelter since it was rigid and I had no privacy… I learned independence to survive. I’m in my 30s, living in my own, and I feel I’ll always be playing catch up. I wasn’t taught how to handle different life obstacles well or how to navigate my intense emotions, especially when it came to friendships, relationships, and work-life.
We’re semi-fortunate to have the internet and access to large amounts of information. I leverage it constantly to help me figure out and understand how to solve problems in my life. Obviously, research is important and not acting impulsively (not the easiest). For your question, I think figuring out what specific things you’d like to plan or research would be helpful!
They kicked me out. They were already unhappy that I had started getting piercings–conservative Christians that they are–and then they found out that I had a LOT more piercings than they were able to see. Like, about 2x as many. And I had a lot of visible piercings. That led to a long period that was very, very difficult, including being kind of homeless for a while.
Bad times.
The only good answer I have is: I was forced to be independent. As soon as I turned 18, I had to pay rent to stay with my mom. Before that, I had to cook for the family and for as long as I was able to clean, I had chores around the house.
Even now, as a 40 something year old, I’m still learning to be independent and it’s often because I’m forced to. The thing I’ve learned recently is that there are people who will help me through tough times when I need it. It’s okay to lean on your support people to get you back on track because they know they can do the same when they need you. Like, I knew that conceptually but, I really learned it this past winter.
If I had any advice it’s: get out of your comfort zone from time to time. You may find some new comfortable places there.
You just have to force yourself to do it.
Apply for the jobs, interview, go to job and get money.
Every day I want to die but at least i am independent.
Go out and do it. Figure it out along the way and, yes, on’t be afraid to ask for help if it gets overwhelming. Eventually you’ll find an equilibrium.
There’s no need to become independent in places like Australia.
Everything is painfully easy these days. Just remember to buy food or you will starve.
Oh also you need to rent, next to Spotify and Netflix or whatever, also gas and elecricity.
That’s it. Welcome to the myth of “adulthood”.
If you can not afford rent, there are alternatives such as living in a car or suv. It’s much cheaper. I lived in a car with my wife and cat for a while, but we are now in an RV on some land we own. If that is an option you are considering, check out the YouTube channel “cheap RV living” is where I learned most of what I needed to know. We had window vents, battery and solar, fridge for food, twin bed, and so much more in a little space.
Just make sure you have a job because everything cost money and things happen, just had to pay a fortune for the clutch in the car going bad.
Basically you just get a job in some way. I became a programmer and thus earned enough money to afford an apartment by myself. And then I just did that.
Most western countries also have some kind of social safety net. Dunno about Australia. But most often they wouldn’t force you to live with your parents if you lose your job.
