Fuck. Was I always supposed to be able to get to sleep inside of ten minutes? What do you mean my attention is supposed to be like a searchlight that follows my eyes, and I’m not supposed to look through things? Why are all these objects in a pile distinct entities? I thought I had to use the ‘search’ function to return random loot from the pile? Why aren’t these random background noises filling me with a steady, seething rage?
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I was just talking to my wife about this today. I started taking atomoxetine about a month ago. It isn’t instant the same way stimulants are so it’s been a steady, gradual change, but when I compare me today to me 3 months ago it honestly makes me want to cry. I made a doctors appointment today that I’ve been putting off for something the two years (it’s not something I really wanted to do and required I call to schedule it). But I stopped the video I was watching, made the call, and am going in about a week. I can clean up after a project now, I have the ability to just go do a task that needs done when it needs done. When it looked like I would not be able to get meds for a week or so I just couldn’t imagine going back to how I was before, I just refuse. I’m happier, more productive, and my marriage is better as we argue less over me not doing what she asked me to do because I forgot again. My push now is for my wife to schedule an evaluation since she is pretty sure she has inattentive type. I’m hoping seeing me be happier will help push her.
Me when the first meds kicked in: Wow, this is what silence sounds like? It’s quite peaceful and lovely. I should take a nap.
Yay! Welcome to the club. Being able to filter out some of the overwhelming external stimuli is amazing. Not hearing the entire restaurant at once while failing to hear the person trying to talk to me. It does kind of equalize after the first month, so be prepared to adjust dosing, but feeling even halfway like a functional adult is a miracle of modern medicine.
yoo congrats! What dose are you on, if I may ask?
I started on 10mg of Medikinet Retard (same thing as Adderall XR iirc) about a week and a half ago, and the effect has been… very subtle. Slightly longer feeling days, slightly more things getting done right away, maybe a bit easier time planning? The naps have been pretty good too, but that might just be because I had to quit caffeine during titration :o
I started on 10mg of Medikinet Retard
Well that escalated
quicklyat a controlled, regular rate…?haha yeah, it’s a weird name
Mind if I just jump in here and praise your username?
And yeah, I wonder if that medication is from Europe, thinking the word may not have the same cultural baggage in many countries there and might only refer to the original meaning of the action of slowing or moderating.
I thought I’d add, it’s not the same as Adderall XR
Medikinet seems to be Methylphendiate Hydrochloride which is the same as Ritalin. I’m not sure if they are extended release or not, but Adderall contains Amphetamine (Mix of 75% Dextroamphetamine and 25% Levoamphetamine). Adderall XR being the extended release version of this Amphetamine mix.
If you want to know more about the differences I’d be happy to explain.
I don’t want to break the fun, but it’s pretty typical for the first couple days/weeks to have some euphoria as a side effect of the medication. It still helps a lot but you don’t exactly keep the initial laser sharp focus. It’s still an improvement but eventually chores become chores again, but at least it’s much easier to stay focused on it anyway.
Depends on what you’re taking. Like with my regular Adderall, I can cut doses for a few days and then get back the sharpness when I return.
Your diet plays a major role. Sugar intake, especially processed stuff will impact your stomach acid production and therefore how long you absorb the meds before they degrade. If you take an antacid it will boost things massively, but those will wreck your stomach microbiome and ultimately create worse effects on the days thereafter.
The one that amazes me is that, I prefer Adderall as a pain distraction more than any prescription pain drugs.
Unfortunately, no pain relief from my Adderall, at least so far. I took it just before a rare walk, and when it kicked in, walking was effortless but the pain was still 100% present. I was in agony by the time the walk was done (as per usual), but instead of my leg dragging behind like a reluctant dog, I was spry in my pain. Very curious experience.
Pain relief from stimulants for me comes from the fact that I’m not thinking about the pain as much anymore (kind of how weed helps my pain too. Just allows me to focus elsewhere)
I had that pretty well managed in the end. Even when it all works correctly it’s just not like the first time where you feel superhuman and knock down 2 weeks of chores in a day. The body readjusts and it settles closer to a neurotypical focus.
I’m talking about the very first time in particular, when you feel clarity for the first time and feel limitless. It’s not like you lose the focus, but the euphoria that makes you feel like you can do everything fades away. It can give the impression the ADHD is gone, but you still need to stay organized, eat and sleep well to not come crashing down. And also not overcommit, it’s easy to run straight into burnout because you can easily pull all nighters studying for the first couple days.
Yeah, I get it. The first few days of medication were incredibly eye-opening, and I had taken a shitload of stimulants before, mind you.
It felt like somebody had flipped the switch for the 5 billion whispers that were constantly talking in the background. It was honestly shocking. That was how neurotypical people experience life?
Now, the downside: I actually started to miss those whispers. They were my voice, after all, and they were not only distractions, but also my emotions, my creativity, my wit, my charm. It’s not that those things are all gone, but they are certainly subdued, muted.
So, whenever circumstances allow me to, I like to go back to my old, unmedicated self.
I actually started to miss […] my emotions, my creativity, my wit, my charm
It’s known as “flattening”.
I finally got strong enough to tolerate stimulants about five years ago. The new capabilities are still amazing to me. In fact my life has steadily improved in almost every way.
The big challenge has been to learn to trust my new super powers. This is me, this is who I really am!
For me the ‘searchlight’ feeling has remained and has become the norm. I was able to go through EMDR a couple of years ago and the feeling of personal efficacy increased even more.
The only problem is that I now see how utterly shitty our society is. But I am also strong enough to keep carving out my own alternate path.
When the truth is found to be lies, and all of the joy within you dies, what then?
Luckily, I saw how shitty our society is long ago.
