I wish I never told anyone I worked or studied tech. Especially older family and friends, because their requests for help are relentless.
A lot of friends are chill with it, and I don’t mind doing a little bit of help, but sometimes people are who are OFFENDED when you don’t want to help. In the same way a contractor friend won’t remodel your home for free, I am not going to fix every single issue you have with your computer for free. I’m happy to give advice, but i’m not going to work for hours without pay to fix everything.
I help out people where I can. Some are great, and grateful. Some break things much worse, or insist that the computer spontaneously deleted their data. You do need to set boundaries, and be candid about your own: “You call yourself a computer guy?” “No, I call myself an embedded software developer, I haven’t touched a Windows box in ten years, other than yours”.
Do realize that a lot of people are genuinely victims of their own tech, these days. There are people who’d probably rather not use a computer, but have no choice.
or insist that the computer spontaneously deleted their data
That can happen on windows
Windows - not even once.
You can go the nuclear option. My mother used to complain constantly that her computer was slow, and could I take a look at it. This developed into a fortnightly ritual where I would remove the Internet Explorer toolbars she’d added that took up a full third of her laptop’s screen, then run an antivirus scan for 5 hours or so to remove the malware she kept re-installing. Eventually, I got tired of it and told her I would either install something she couldn’t mess up as easily, or she could fix her own problems going forward. She agreed to trying something new, and her laptop got a nice Linux Mint install. I guess she really loved her malware, as she soon lost interest in the laptop, despite offers to show her how to do what she wanted to, which really weren’t more elaborate than opening Firefox and going to her email, facebook, etc, but I guess a new desktop icon and no toolbars was a bridge too far for her.
I set my dad up with Ubuntu some years ago. He wasn’t the worst windows user, but he had some troubles.
Now he’s a big Linux fan. Updates his OS himself sometimes. He’s not extremely savvy, but he gets by enough.
When the laptop is configured as a Perpetual Engagement Machine, is it any wonder that stripping off all the flashy “CLICK ME! CLICK ME!” buttons causes your mom to lose interest in it?
Feels like you took all the bells and flashing lights off her slot machine. Why even pull the lever if its not going to overwhelm your senses with engagement?
“Why do you always help so-and-so and never return my calls?”
So and so knows to bring the fucking cookies when they fuck their shit up, sherlock.
Oh god my mom says this all the fucking time. I help my old babysitter the most, whenever I can, because even throughout my parents divorce, and without pay, she kept taking care of my sisters and I. Even though she was extremely poor and working another job. My moms just outright abusive.
My father in law was a proctologist - and also a man I didn’t really enjoy spending any time with. One day during one of those strained compulsory family dinners - not sure which, maybe Thanksgiving - he turned to me and said with this false jovial air:
“Hey, you’re a computer guy. I have this problem with my Windows laptop. Could you take a look?” and proceeded to unpack his laptop, which he had brought along, clearly to have me fix it.
So I got up, started undoing my fly and said “Sure! Hey, I have piles. Could you take a look?”
He got up and left without a word, and never came back. His wife kept visiting though, thankfully. She was lovely. But I got rid of him for good that day. But I did have to face the music with my wife 🙂
Hey, you’re an ass man. I have this problem with my bum. Could you take a look?
I just saw your comment on lemmy shitpost
I was an electrician for 14 years and now im a software developer. I get so many people asking me to do small things around their house for electrical and while im there they ask, “he can you look at my phone/computer, its not running like it used to”. I will look at it and see if its an easy fix but sometimes i need to say no i dont do that
Someday, all your elders will be dead, and you might wish you’d spent more time with them.
yeah, quality time and not figuring out the hell they did this time that fucked up device X and then spending an afternoon trying to undo the consequences of their ignorance
You must’ve had nice elders
About 25/75 split. You can guess which side is which. Almost all my family is dead and I miss them. Some more than others.
Sure it’s annoying but I don’t mind helping grandma with her Word doc after she cooked dinner for everyone
There’s a lot of cringey responses in this thread. Just be a nice person and talk to your family and friends in an open and honest way.
Firstly, this happens in any profession. I’m a tax consultant. People always want to talk to me about tax.
Thing is, 100% of the time people will understand if you say “I don’t really know very much about that particular thing I’m sorry.”
When someone says “my wifi isn’t working” they’re not necessarily saying “please will you come over and fix my wifi”, often they’re really saying “what should I do to solve this problem” and the answer is usually “turn it off and on again, update adobe reader, if it’s still not working take it to whatever shop.”
If someone directly asks you “please will you stop what you’re doing and come fix my x”, which never actually happens, then you just deal with it as appropriate. “Sorry nan I have a lot going on right now, you’ll have to take it to the shop”.
And if someone says “hey, can you come fix my computer,” and when you show up she just lays in bed and looks at you longingly from there, that means you really got to fix the computer and then leave so she can get some sleep.
Yeah, look she couldn’t even dress up to greet you. She must be really really tired
I’m quite surprised by the fact that so many people here seem to be bothered by that. To me, having friends and family also means helping each other when we can. I am good with tech, but I am awful with many other things, and I am really glad that I do know that my family and friends will also help me.
I love my mother in law. After a day of staring at a computer we may go to her house for dinner. Sometimes after dinner it becomes chore time without my knowledge. “Oh, I can’t log into the bank to pay my bills.” “Can you please change the lightbulb in the bathroom?” “The printer doesn’t work” “why is my phone slow?” She doesn’t do it to be annoying, she does it because she needs help. Once she thinks of one task there is usually another that she remembers. I am tired from work and full of food but always say yes and do it.
We talked to her and asked her to make a list and we review that list when we arrive. This way we can prioritize tasks that must be done vs those that my partner can do or that can wait. This has worked well for us because it is addressing her needs while not overwhelming us.
I wish I could be paid in more than not being yelled at for a while
Grow up. I don’t mean this as an insult. You’ll see how your attitude ages.
My mom isn’t into tech at all, so she has no real tech that needs supporting aside from her TV.
My dad, on the other hand… he’s in his mid-80s, and sliding into Dementia, so I have to be careful and break instructions down into the simplest and easiest-to-remember form as possible. But even with his problems he still takes the time out to google his own issues, find solutions, and if those don’t work he comes to me with his entire workflow for me to look over to see where he went wrong. And then he still tries to absorb what I’ve done to help him.
The dude is 85, with a 5th grade education, suffering from dementia, and he still does better with “struggling with tech” than a majority of people out there.
I am definitely seeing a time when he starts shutting down certain programs for the last time, and eventually even the entire computer, but damn I’m proud of the old fossil.
It’s why I take as long as he needs with whatever problem he has.
Knowing how to find and implement good information you need to solve problems is even more important than having an education.
I’ve been using Linux as an out. “Oh you’re having a windows problem? I got rid of windows 10 years ago, so I can’t really help you with that”.
I do the same thing but leverage networking instead of Linux.
“Sorry, I dont actually know much about computers, but let me know if you want advice about port trunking or configuring a VLAN”
See that’s dangerous though because networks are black magic to most users. Even more so than the computer itself.
I often explain it as though they’re asking an airplane mechanic to fix their Honda Civic. The principals are the same(fuel goes in, rotation comes out) but the machines are so different that doesn’t help much from a practical standpoint
Oh I have questions. I’m not going to ask because thread and because I’m smart enough to know it’s not an easy problem, but that sure wouldn’t be the escape you think it is if we were friends lol.
I hate networking issues. But I’ve replaced every foot of cabling, every networking device, and my ISP and I still get intermittent 2 minute network drops a few times a day. I am to the point of suspecting a rogue smart device is doing something malicious. I need a networking guru friend to annoy.
Disconnect everything physically plugged into the router and change the WiFi password.
Add your devices back one at a time until the dropouts start again.
If they start immediately then you’re looking at a modem/router issue (most likely). If they start after adding a device, remove that device and check the network stability again.
When the network drops happen is your modem showing that it’s still connected to your ISP or is the modem in a disconnected state?
It can be hours between dropouts. Not saying that’s not a really good idea, but I’ll have to add stuff in groups. It would take me months just adding one device a day.
Since I got my new fiber connection a few months ago, I couldn’t say whether the modem stays connected or not. The cable modem dropped connection, but Comcast swore it wasn’t any problem on their end. Until I got fiber everything was self-owned inside the house and everything was replaced at least once: wiring, cable modem, router/wireless AP.
Honestly since switching to fiber I haven’t done the deep troubleshooting I had with my modem, and I suppose there could’ve even been a couple of issues and switching to fiber fixed one but not the other. Some symptoms are the same: my phone will stop working with anything Internet until I disconnect or wait a while and my PS5 will complain that it has lost connection. Other symptoms are different: I haven’t noticed my white noise streams stopping abruptly in the middle of the night, my work meetings don’t suddenly drop.
It’s almost like before the whole internet would drop and now only DNS will, so existing connections work fine (like through vpn, existing streams) but new requests like refreshing Lemmy won’t work for a couple of minutes.
Sorry, it wasn’t until you asked that I started thinking maybe the symptoms had slightly changed when I switched to fiber because the most obvious symptoms are the same. I need to do more investigation on my end. But thanks for asking the question that made me give that some thought.
Hey, it’s ok. It’s troubleshooting and that’s free flowing.
So you’ve switched ISP’s from cable to fiber and the issue persists?
To a degree, yes. Like I was saying, some of the symptoms do seem to have gone away, but I do still have what appears to be intermittent loss of domain name resolution. Maybe I have so many devices phoning home that the service freaks every once in a while.
Unfortunately, now that I’m using the router to handle all of this with the stock firmware, I don’t have as good of logging as I did when I was running all of that on my Pi.
Are you using the same router on the fiber service you used on the cable service?
My mum just does not believe me when I say ‘I don’t know, I don’t use this software’. When I say I have no idea how to get word to do what she needs because I’ve used nothing but latex for close to ten years, clearly I’m just trying to get out of helping, right?
She’s not the only one, either. They always expect you to figure it out. Especially egregious: I didn’t customize my CV for a teaching job. It said I can code a bit. Guess who became the windows support for the older teachers?
She’s not the only one, either. They always expect you to figure it out.
I mean… they’re not wrong. If you’ve got the knack and they know it, there’s nothing you can do about it.
My out has been unfortunately true. I got into the corporate IT game. I really have no idea what’s going on in the consumer space if it’s not something I personally deal with.
Which means that when someone asks questions about getting a virus or how to do any little task, I tell them that normally I’d wipe and reimage without a second thought, or tell them to call the help desk.
More or less my response to anyone with an Apple computer.
The best antidote against being asked tech questions is not to use standard tech 😄
- “Windows? No idea, but if you let me install linux on your computer I could help you out in the future”
- “iPhone? Sorry, got an Android. Can’t help you out.”
- “Printer? Nobody, not even Zeus can help you there…”
They know I worked at a computer shop so this wouldn’t work 😫
My dad taught me all about motorcycles, cars, lawnmowers, model airplanes, tools, general home repairs, and really an incalculable number of other things. I don’t mind giving him a hand with his PC or iPad once in a while.
When someone from your social groups is having motorcycle, lawnmower, model airplane, tool or general home repair issues, do you give them your father’s number?
Sounds like you are too blunt. Never tell them no. Listen to their problem and just reply with a ‘Id have to look into that’, or an ‘I can come over when I get a chance’. If they persist, have a couple projects they can help you out with and tell them 'sorry Id love to help, but Im (going to the dump / painting the kitchen / gotta do seasonal yard work / etc). If they offer to help you, then you are kinda on the hook to help them. If they dont follow through… you can subtly bring it up (still gotta move that couch). You dont have to be a dick about it. It can be fun messing with folks.
Honestly I’m tech support for some people, but I need help with some of the more advanced stuff, so I have a tech guy too.
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Or just make yourself out to be utterly incompetent; let them think you’re bad at your job/hobby.
“What happens when you google it? If that doesn’t help I don’t know what else to try, sorry /shrug”
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i see you’re good at disguise, could you help me get good at it?
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You say that, but I’ve been telling people for years how good I am at shitting into a bucket from the top of a twelve-foot ladder and no-one has ever asked me for help.
I was always really fortunate in that my family didn’t bother me too much with tech support requests - mostly because I didn’t really get into a technical career when I lived near them.
However, I did have the misfortune of becoming ‘the photographer.’ I always really loved photography, and when I could, I bought one of the first model DSLR’s. I shot mostly for myself. I’d sometimes do paid work, but generally, I just liked wandering around and getting pictures of things I thought were interesting. For about a 5-10 year period, I was just expected to be the photographer for every life event for everyone in my immediate family, and I found it really dehumanizing.
I was not Monument the friend, the brother, the son, the uncle, or whatever, but ‘the camera.’ I could not enjoy the experience of being at events, or even of taking pictures for myself unless I ‘forgot’ my camera at home, or flat out refused to take pictures for other people. I’ve had strangers interrupt me while shooting to take their picture - both with their camera (tourists, mostly) or with my own camera.
When my camera fell behind in technology, I more or less shelved it in favor of crappy cell phone pictures for documenting things, but I still sort of have bittersweet feelings about using a DSLR to make art. I feel like the expectation sort of ruined the joy of shooting for me.
